I have no idea
by Dantea Dredkin
Summary: All my ideas floating around in my head in all their strange and wonderful glory. Multiple pairings, song fics included.
1. AN

**Dear, faithful readers,**

**I have recently noticed an alarming trend- that I never finish my stories. So, instead of having a profile just filled with abandoned fics, I've decided to put all my multichaps, one shots, and song fics will be kept in one 'story' slot. Their types will be clearly labeled in the chapter titles. **

**One more thing- I'm probably not going to work on The End is Nigh until I get my hands on Mortal Coil.**

**Incidentally, if you have read it already, tell me as many spoilers as possible, OK? Just so I can get as many accurate facts in the story as possible, of course.**

**Also, is it true that Valkyrie kissed Caelan? If it is, did she kiss him or did he kiss her?**


	2. The End is Nigh:prolog

_Even the best solders get old, eventually. _Jeb Younger thought to himself as he made his way up The Mountain.

Jeb Younger was head of security at The Mountain, but even he only vagly knew where The Mountain was located. The Himalayas was his best guess. He didn't know, and he didn't want to know.

Jeb cursed as he felt snow fall into his boots, but he didn't stop to shake it out. At these sub zero tempters, to pause means to die.

He hated the long trek that took him half way up The Mountain, where the air started to thin and there was no company other than the rocks and the cold and the ghosts of the people who had died on this godforsaken rock.

He hated how the cold, blistering winds and snow that at times was over seven feet deep slowed him down like it never used to, when he was younger.

He hated the cool, emotionless ness of the cleavers under his command. Masked, nameless, more robotic than human. With only himself and the cleavers living at The Mountain, he might as well have been alone fore all the company they were. _Old, _didn't necessarily mean _unsocial._

But most of all, he decided as he pulled his cloak tighter around his thin frame and trudged on, he hated feeling old. He hated that bone tired, joint achy feeling that came with nine hundred years of living the hard life of a solder.

He cursed again as he felt the howling winds find a gap in his cloak, despite his best efforts, and send sharp needles of cold burning across his body. He shook it off, though, and tried to move faster without exhausting himself.

He had been traveling for maybe another hour, and was about a stone through away from the secret entrance of The Mountain when he smelled it. A coppery, coiling, rusty smell that he had encountered before, in the battlefields of the war with Malevolent.

Blood.

Jeb stopped and pulled a gun from over his shoulder, a long barrel rifle, and aimed it up the slop that led to the cleverly disguised secret compound located in the belly of The Mountain.

His trod was careful, and his senses alert. Each step he took was measured as he made his way up to the cave where the sentry cleavers should be positioned. The cleavers were there, all right. One of them lay on the ground, half buried in snow. It's scythe lay a few feet away, with the blade broken in half. It wasn't moving.

The other cleaver was pinned to the rocky wall next to the cave entrance by the broken tip of the first cleaver's scythe blade. It was covered in blood, and it's helmet was missing.

So was its head.

Jeb ignored them. Fighting back nausea at the smell, he did a full 360 of the area, with his gun following his eyes, searching for the assailant. His eyes skimmed everything, missing nothing.

Well, almost nothing.

Satisfied no one was still around, he turned his attention to the tunnel entrance the cleavers had been guarding. Switching his gun to a one handed grip, he clicked his fingers and summoned a flame. He stepped forward and threw the flame into the depths of the tunnel. It traveled a good ten yards before it hit the ground and went out. It illuminated everything and reveled no one down the dark hole.

Jeb relaxed a little and turned to the half-buried cleaver. It didn't move, and it didn't breathe. Or at least it didn't look like it was breathing. Cleavers **never** looked like they were breathing, even when they were standing up.

Jeb bent down, lifted it up under the arms, and tried to drag him out of the snow. It's torso snapped free of the ice around it, but the rest of it...

Didn't.

The cleaver's legs stayed frozen, buried in snow, he could see blood everywhere now that he had disturbed the recently fallen snow. On the ground around him, covering the cleaver's legs, dripping from the half frozen slab of meat he had rescued from the ice.

The cleaver had been cut in half.

Jeb froze up fore a moment, and stared. It would take a lot to do that to a cleaver, and he really didn't want to meet who, or **what**ever had done this.

He dropped the dead cleaver, now knowing there was nothing he could do, and turned towards the tunnel.

The Mountain was an eleven thousand foot rock covered in ice and snow, hidden by clouds and mist, and guarded better than most sanctuaries. Its main occupant, was magic. Black magic of the worst sort. Magic so evil, so terrible, that just being near it is said to corrupt even the purest minds. Magical artifacts of destructive capability that couldn't be made safe. There were Things,(yes, Things, not things) down there that even the High Councils of various locations around the world couldn't imagine existed. If one of them had been stolen, it could have catastrophic consequences.

The Mountain was guarded, physically, magically, and mentally, by people who were the very best at what they do. But every security system could be bypassed, Jeb knew, so it was entirely possible the intruder had found what he came fore and left. It was his responsibility to take note of what had been stolen, how many people it could kill, and how many people had been killed trying to defend it.

He took a deep breath, reached back for his gun, stepped forward, and...

Felt the blade of a scythe against his neck.

Damn.

He should have known, of course, that it was entirely possible the intruder had found what he came for and **didn't **leave. He just couldn't see how he missed the man with a scythe to his neck. His scenes were as sharp as ever.

_It's a sign you should retire, _Jeb thought, _when you can't even remember your basic training._

He very slowly took his hands off the gun and raised them above his head, a clear sign of surrender. Despite the cold, he was suddenly sweating.

The unseen attacker was totally silent; Jeb couldn't even hear the sound of the man's breath. The scythe didn't waver. Jeb could see his reflection in the ice-crusted blade. He tried to turn his head to see his attacker, but the scythe gave a sharp twist that brought the edge to rest against his jugular. If Jeb moved too much, he would cut his own throat on the blade.

Jeb froze.

The wind howled.

Blood trickled down his neck.

The syth-weilder remained silent.

Snow fell.

Time passed.

It appeared as if his attacker was waiting for something, and Jeb eventually became aware of a sound echoing from the depths of the cave. A steady, rythmatic sound with a metallic ring to it that sent chills down his spine.

_Click-clack. Click-clack._

Jeb squinted, trying to see into the darkness of the cave without moving. The murk revealed nothing.

_Click-clack. Click-clack._

Shadows twisted and writhed around the mouth of the cave. Jeb's heart beat faster, and his palms began to sweat.

_Click-clack. Click-clack._

Was that movement he saw? Jeb licked his suddenly dry lips and tryed not to look like a deer caught in headlights.

_Click-clack. Click . . . ._

Silence.

He thought he could see a shape in the darkness of the tunnel, just beyond the light of the moon shining down on the bloodied sean. He could feel the unknown figure studding him, even as he struggled to catch a glimpse of the figure in the lightless cave. Jeb was beginning to think he wasn't going to live through the night.

Finally, the figure surrounded by shadows spoke. "Let him go. Cuff him and take his gun."

Jeb thought he detected a hint of Irish in the man's accent, but he couldn't be shore, and he didn't ponder it for long after the scythe was removed and a pair of handcuffs snapped on his wrists. Rather harshly, too. Jeb was suspicious. Anything this man wanted him alive for, could not be good. His suspicions were raised when his captor walked around him into view, only to revel a clever of average height with his scythe already strapped to his back, and a uniform of pure white. The white cleaver walked over to the entrance of the cave and joined his master in shadow.

Then, the shadow man himself spoke. "Do you know why I have decided to spare you, solider?"

"Because you like my sunny deposition?"

It was imposable to know what the shadow man was thinking, and it might not have been the smartest thing in the world to bait the men who had just taken down the thirty or so cleavers that stood between the entrance of the compound and the vault where the artifacts of wickedly destructive value were located. But he had murdered men under his command, and Jeb wasn't just going to lie down and grovel at the man's feet.

"No," There was no annoyance in the shadow man's voice, no emotion at all. "I am sparing you because I want you to deliver a message to my father."

Jeb was confused, but he didn't show it. "I don't know who your prick father is, and I wouldn't give him a message if my life depended on it." Jeb almost winced at his choice of wording, but managed to hold it in.

Jeb could swear he almost herd amusement in the man's tone when he spoke next. "Oh, you know very well who my father is, and it's more than your life on the line. Your going to tell him I'm back, and more powerful than ever." With that the man stepped out into the moonlight, and Jeb gasped and felt his knees tremble and give out beneath him. He knew the man. It wasn't the armor he wore, or the shadows twisting and writhing around him, as if even they feared him. No, what Jeb recognized about him was his face.

A face, one of many, that had terrorized him in his dreams since the day he saw him battle, first hand, in one of Malfeasant's wars. A face he had seen laugh as hundreds were cut down around him, smile at torture, and grin in the face of destruction. Not now though. This man's face had changed somewhat. This man was as emotionless as the cleavers he slaughtered.

The man walked forward and crouched down to eye level with Jeb. "Take this," He placed a walky-talky on the ground in front of Jeb, "and contact the station at the base of The Mountain, Tell them to get my father on the phone and then tell him I'm not holding back this time." The man placed a key on top of the walky-talky and stood up. Jeb watched numbly as the white cleaver stepped forward besides the man. Shadows curled up from the ground around the man's feet, consuming him, and then moved on to the cleaver. Within moments the two were gone into the night, swallowed by darkness.

Jeb could only sit on the ground in shocked horror as snow began to fall again. Then after a few moments, he shook himself awake before he froze and got to work unlocking himself. It wasn't easy doing it from behind his back, but he managed it. When he was free, he tried to rub feeling back into his wrists, but was for the most part unsuccessful. He sat and thought for a moment more, then decided. The man was right, more than his life was at stake here, especially now that the man had stolen his armor back.

Jeb bent down and picked up the radio. He clicked the talk button and said, "Head to Base, Head to Base. Do you read me? Over."

Static filled the air, and then, thankfully, a response. "Base to Head, Base to Head. We read you. Over."

Jeb's stomach churned at the words as he spoke them, but he knew they had to be said. "Head to Base, Head to Base. It is priority concern that you contact High Priest Tenebrae, with the following message. Lord Vile is back from the dead, he has stolen his armor, and he wants to have a family reunion."

**What did you think? Is it not spectacular? I'm probably not going to keep Jeb in the story, though. (Unless you beg for more) And I've decided that its going to be a Fletchyrie story, but I'm probably going to get bored halfway through, kill him off, and turn this into a Valduggery.**

**Why, yes! I am twisted and evil! Thank you for asking.**

**Chow. Adieu. Interjektion. Farvel. Adiós. Adjø. ****안녕히가세요****. See ya lata, sukers****!**


	3. One Week in Hell:prolog

**Prologue**

China Sorrows walked quietly up to Tanith Low. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and the famed magical Library was more-or-less empty.

Tanith was seated at a hard-wood desk, slouching over it and staring at a piece of paper she had laid upon it. It was covered in intricate scribbles.

China stood there, crossing her arms and waiting for an explanation. Tanith didn't appear to notice her.

After a moment, China cleared her throat.

Tanith jumped about a foot into the air, eyes widening and her hands flickering to where her sword was usually kept, cursing to herself when she realized she wasn't wearing it. Then, slowly, she calmed, looking at China slightly sheepishly.

Tanith licked her lips slightly uncertainly. "I swear, I didn't do it," she began.

China raised one perfect eyebrow in amusement. "Didn't do what?"

"Uh, never you mind."

"No, really. I'm curious."

"Don't tell Skulduggery, ok?" Tanith said, her eyes pleading silently.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm practically the queen of keeping things from Skulduggery." China laughed.

Tanith's face was a touch uneasy, but she let it go. Glancing around, she leaned over and whispered in China's ear.

A smile slowly spread across China's face. "Do you need any help with that?"

Tanith looked relieved. "Yes, thank you. I've been worrying how to keep them in there, what with their magic and all."

China grinned. "Worry no more."

Tanith nodded, expression exactly the same. "By the end of the week, they will either be a couple and therefore have admitted their feelings fully, or they'll be… Totally sick of each other."

"Either way, it should be funny to watch."

Tanith paused thoughtfully. "Should we include Fletcher in our plan?"

They waited a beat in silence, and then both started laughing.

Their mirth was cut off abruptly when Skulduggery walked out from between the many stacks of books and said, "What's so funny?"

They jumped in surprise and Tanith blushed. "Nothing," they said simultaneously in an astoundingly unconvincing tone.

Skulduggery looked at them a long moment, then shook his head. As he walked away, the girls could just hear him mutter to himself, "Don't ask, don't ask. Don't even think about asking!"


	4. One Week in Hell:ch one

**Chapter 1: That Girl**

"Don't forget to come back in an hour or two so I can reapply the healing salve, and at least _try _not to get ripped in half by another vampire, OK?"

"I will," Valkyrie said. "And I wasn't almost ripped in half. It was just… a little scratch." She scowled at the bandages wrapped around her rib cage and began poking at where she thought the wound was.

Kenspeckle sighed and swatted her hand away. "Stop it! And it was a bit more than _just a little scratch, _as you say. That thing's claws pierced your lung and broke three of your ribs! Your just lucky young Mr Renn was there to get you here that fast. Your blood could have leaked into your lung and drowned you. Is that what you want out of life, Valkyrie? To drown in your own blood at seventeen?"

"I'm not going to drown. After all, you fixed my lung, so it doesn't have a hole anymore." Valkyrie hopped off the examination table and pulled her shirt back on calmly. "Besides, I'm too pretty to die."

"Oh! I give up!" Kenspeckle sighed dramatically. "Go on and get yourself killed if you want! I don't care."

"Hush!" Valkyrie said sternly as she followed Kenspeckle, who was rolling his eyes, into the waiting room.

Clarabelle was talking to Fletcher in German. He looked confused and kept trying to interrupt to tell her he didn't speak German, but she was talking much too fast and wouldn't give him the chance.

"Oh, good! You're not broken anymore." He sounded relieved, but whether it was because Valkyrie was OK or because he could escape Clarabelle's German assault was rather unclear. "Tanith called, by the way. She said Skulduggery has found the vampire's cage, and to meet them there so we can help them set the trap."

"He didn't kill the damn thing?"

"I'm afraid not." He shook his head. "It got away after I teleported you here."

She sighed, disappointed, and said, "Alright then, let's go."

"Oh, Valkyrie, before you leave…" Kenspeckle started.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and Fletcher sighed impatiently. "Yes, Kenspeckle?" she asked.

"Don't put too much strain on yourself before you've had a second coating of the healing salve on for at least an hour."

"Will do, Kenspeckle. Bye!" Valkyrie reached for Fletcher's arm, but was once again interrupted.

"Valkyrie, I mean it! Your lung may be fixed, and your ribs may have healed some, but they're still not completely mended. If you put too much strain on them, or don't get a second coating, they could heal wrong, or break all over again."

Fletcher checked his nonexistent watch and began tapping his foot impatiently. He looked annoyed.

"I get it! I get it!" Valkyrie reached for Fletcher's out stretched hand. "Let's go already."

"And whatever you do, don't get it wet! It could-"

"OK, Kenspeckle, I get it! Be careful, I know!" Ignoring his hurt look, she grabbed Fletcher's hand. He rolled his eyes skywards and said, "Finally!" His grip tightened and they were about to teleport-

"Oh, one more thing, Valkyrie. . . ."

"For the love of God, Grouse!"

"What?"

"We have to go!"

"But-"

"Now."

"But-"

"_Now!"_

"All right, then. Go and attempt suicide, then. See if I care." Kenspeckle huffed. Then his eyes softened. "Just be careful, OK?"

"I will be." Valkyrie said seriously.

Fletcher cleared his throat loudly. "We do have a vampire to catch, remember?"

"OK, OK. We're going!" Valkyrie laughed at his impatience and clasped his hand. With a smile and a nod at Kenspeckle, they disappeared.

Kenspeckle shook his head and sighed. "That girl…" he muttered.

Clarabelle smiled and laughed. "Nicht weiß ich es," she said in German as she walked out of the room, humming tunelessly.

Once again, Kenspeckle sighed and shook his head. "_That girl…"_

**Oh no! I forgot to tell you! This story is cursed. Every time you read it and don't give a good review, a puppy dies! Hmmm… maybe I should have told you that before you read the story. Oh well.**

**It's your move.**


	5. One Week in Hell:ch two

**Ch.2:One Loooooong Week**

Tanith was watching skullduggery out of the corner of her eye.

He didn't seem to notice though; he was too preoccupied with some thought or another. She could guess what that thought was. She couldn't think of anything else that would make his brows furrow so deeply, or his shoulders so tense, or his dark brooding eyes churn with worry.

"Do you think Valkyrie will be ok?" he asked without turning around.

Tanith couldn't help the smirk that flashed across her face, and she just barley kept the smugness out of her tone. "I'm shore she'll be fine, she has been through worse than a vampire attack and come out on top."

"I know." He sighed and turned to her, his deep eyes unfathomable. "it`s just… there was so much blood, and…" he cut off abruptly and turned back to the end of the road in front of them.

Tanith`s eyes softened in symphony and she placed a hand on skullduggery's shoulder. "Skull, she'll be all right."

Skullduggery stood there a moment, with his head bowed and shoulders tense, and then he pulled him self together and straightened up. He glanced back at Tanith and shrugged her hand off his shoulder. Tanith didn't mind, she knew it wasn't her touch he longed for, and although skullduggery was pretty good looking, she had her eyes on someone else.

"I know. "He said. All the previous unrest and worry had been masked under a façade of sincere indifference. "I just wish they would hurry up."

Tanith could see why Val had fallen for skullduggery. With his dark, golden brown eyes and fair, dirty blond hair, he looked like a super model. He was tall and thin, but well muscled and strong, and he still possessed the easy grace he had as a skeleton. What Tanith couldn't see was how Val thought he was worth it.

He was stubborn. He never admitted to any emotional attachment, to anyone. And he outright ignored the obvious connection between him and Valkyrie. It was starting to get annoying.

Just then, Fletcher and Valkyrie appeared with a loud pop! Skullduggery stiffened at the sound, but didn't turn around.

Tanith smiled evilly. She had a feeling this was going to be one of the longest weeks of skullduggery's existence.


	6. Song fic: Monster

_**This is mostly to pass time until i can think of something better. This song always reminds me of Caelan.**_

**_Monster, by Skillet._**

_The secret side of me, I never let you see_  
_I keep it caged but I can't control it_  
_So stay away from me, the beast is ugly_  
_I feel the rage and I just can't hold it_

Caelan ran at the steel door embedded in the reinforced walls of his cell for what must have been the hundredth time that night, and just like the other hundreds of times, he bounced off without so much as a scratch to the cold steel. A long, feral growl ripped from his throat, and his entire body burned and trembled with furry and hatred and thirst, especially thirst. That soul crushing need to rip into the humans throats and drain every drop of blood from their body.

_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls_  
_It comes awake and I can't control it_  
_Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head_  
_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?_

Caelan was not himself at the moment, he was something else entirely. Something with long, dripping fangs and thick nails made for tearing into soft flesh. Something that had no boundaries, no fear, Caelan had become a hunter. He dug his claws into the floor and with a howl, through himself at the door with so much furry a long bloody scratch was carved into his forehead from the effort, and a small scare appeared on the door, one of many.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_  
_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

The vampire, Caelan, collapsed on the floor in exauston and pain, breath heaving and mussels trembling from constant strain as he waited for his wound to heal.

_I, I feel like a monster_  
_I, I feel like a monster_

The damaged flesh slowly knitted itself together, leaving nothing but a bloody stain on his forehead. The vampire moved in a blur, too fast for the human eye to follow, and jumped up in a crouch with his black eyes trained on the door, the only thing that stood between him and the thing he most desired. _"Come on!" _His eyes seemed to say. _"You aren't so tough! Bring it on!" _He screamed and, once again, lept at the door of his prison.

_My secret side I keep hid under lock and key_  
_I keep it caged but I can't control it_  
_'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down_  
_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?_

Mid leap, Caelan froze and dropped to the ground, screaming in agony. He could see the time automated door in the corner of his eye suddenly pop open with a hiss, he desperately started to crawl towards the opening, but he couldn't make it before he collapsed in a heap, his back arched in agony, and a scream nothing but a wild animal could produce was ripped from his lungs.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_  
_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

Skin began to slowly creep across his pale flesh, and hair sprouted along his scalp, and Caelan twisted and writhed in agony.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_  
_I, I feel like a monster_  
_I, I feel like a monster_

Caelan's back was arched at an imposable angle, and the crack of bones healing combined with his screaming in a symphony of agony no mortal could comprehend.

_It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp_  
_There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart_  
_No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream_  
_Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster_

Caelan collapsed, shuddering. He never showed it, none of the vampires did, but he sometimes scared himself. He could almost feel the demon beast under his skin, just waiting till nightfall to devour his mind once more.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_  
_I hate what I've become, the _nightmare's_ just begun_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

He stood up and walked out of his prison, down the hall and to the left, and opened the front door. Fresh air rushed to fill his mind, and, relieved, he walked out of the dark hell hole he called home and into the freshness of a new morning. Suddenly, a face flashed across his vision. A young girl , about 14 or 15, with dark eyes and dark hair, just as he had seen her the last time he saw her, laughing at something he had said. His heart gave a painful lurch at the thought of the one who had wormed her way into his heart.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_  
_I've gotta lose control, he something radical_  
_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

He stopped on the sidewalk and ran his hand through his hair, his expression troubled. He pulled his hand away from his head when he felt something wet and sticky. It was the blood from the wound the door had inflicted on him. He licked a finger, and continued walking and trying to shake the girl from his thoughts, trying to forget about her memory, her sent, her face, everything about her that he loved. He walked about ten steps before he lost the battle and fell to his knees.

_I, __I feel like a monster_

Caelan raised his hands up before his face and looked at them with despair. They were still stained with his own blood.

_I, I feel like a monster_

His pupils were dilated, and his bloody hands trembled.

_I, I feel like a monster_

Valkyrie Cain flashed through his thoughts again, dark hair and dark eyes, a slight half smile on her face, Fletcher's arm draped across her shoulders. She looked happy in his imagination.

_I, I feel like a monster_

Caelan's face fell into his hands and he howled his sorrow into his palms, with no one to hear but the rising sun.

_**What do you think? Read and review!**_


	7. Song fic: Citizen Soldger

_Random, epic quotes combined with a song to make a fan fic._

_Citizen Soldger: by Three Doors Down_

"Miss Cain, if your wrong, and we move against Serpine now, then we are starting a war we are not ready for."

"I'm sorry," Stephanie said, seeing the trepidation in the Elder's eyes and speaking softly now. "But the war has already started.

**Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights.**  
**Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.**  
**So many times you did not bring this on yourself.**  
**When the moment finally comes, I'll be there to help.**

The elevator door opened behind them and Valkyrie whirled round to see Dusk and Springheeled Jack stepping out. They brought up their silenced sub-machine guns and opened fire.

**And on that day, when you need your brothers and sisters to care.**  
**I'll be right here.**

The sound was comming from everywhere, from becide and below and behind and above, and it was the sound of a battle being fought.

Dark figures were visible now, around the edge of the room, and they were struggling, running and leaping. Some of them carried wepons and Valkyrie recognised the silhouetts of Cleavers.

There was a shadow in the steam in front of them, throwing Cleavers back like they were little more than an anoyance.

**Citizen soldiers.**  
**Holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.**  
**Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.**  
**We'll always be ready because we will always be there.**

There was an explosion up ahead, and they saw tanith flipping away from it. She landed and ran for the corner of the farmhouse. She reached it just as a hail of bullets tore up the ground at her feet.

"They have machine guns," Valkyrie said.

"And hand grenades."

**When there're people crying in the streets.**  
**When they're starving for a meal to eat.**  
**When they simply need a place to make their beds.**  
**Right here underneath my wing, you can rest your head.**

Her thoughs went quiet.

The broken glass beneath her hands. The breeze, stirred to wind outside. The world, dull and deadened.

Another shock wave hit the farmhouse.

And another.

Her mouth was dry and her head was pounding. Slowly, she crawled over the rubble, to the hole in the wall.

Outside there were others, on the ground. Lying of paper people. Some people in black. Swirling red and black smoke. A Skeleton. There was a skeleton, stumbling twords her.

**On that day, when you need your brothers and sisters to care.**  
**I'll be right here.**

And now there was nothing, now there were just vague images of Serpinine and Skulduggery; a distant voice, Skulduggery calling out to her, but that too was fadeing. No pain now. No sound. Her eyelids fluttered. Serpine, with that grin. Everything moving so, so, slowly.

**Citizen soldiers.**  
**Holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.**  
**Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.**  
**We'll always be ready because we will always be there.**

Skulduggery slammed a fist into Serpine's face and batted the hands away. He stepped in with a jab that rocked the sorcer's head. Serpine blasted Skulduggery with purple vapor, and Skulduggery was flung off his feet.

Skulduggery gathered flame in his fist and threw it at Serpine, who barely managed to deflect it. It exploded on the wall behind him and Serpine hissed, stumbling away before being launched backward as the air rippled around him. He hit the wall and stayed there, high off the ground, held up by Skulduggery's outstretched hand from across the room.

**Hope and pray, that you never need me.**  
**But rest assured I will not let you down.**  
**I walk beside you, but you may not see me.**  
**The strongest among you may not wear a crown.**

"The game's not so much fun when when you're playing with someone who can fight back, is it?"

"My bridge,"he snarled. "_My _game."

She smiled at him. "My rules."

One swipe of the sword took the fingers on his left hand. He howled in pain and staggered back, and she jumped. She planted her feet on on his chest and swung, the blade flashing in the bridge's lights as it took his head. The troll stumbled and she jumped off. The body hit the barrier and tipped backward into the river.

**On the day when you need your brothers and sisters to care.**  
**I'll be right here.**  
**On that day when you don't have strength for the burden you bear.**  
**I'll be right here.**

She saw Cleavers loading Springheeled Jack into the back of a van. He was kicking and struggling. They closed the door and his pleas were instantly cut off.

* * *

It saw the Hallow Men, it's face contorted with effort and it lunged, trailing a blurred stream of light and darkness from it's torso back into Shudder's chest. It flew to the nearest Hallow Man and slashed, it's claws solid enough to rip through the papery skin.

It moved on, the stream that connected it to Shudder lengthening, and it screached as it went, tearing and ripping through the Hallow Men as they swiped at it.

* * *

The crystal glowed and the black lightning crackled and shot out, hitting the Faceless One in the chest. It staggered, and even though it had no mouth, it shrieked, an inhuman scream of pain and rage. the black lightning curled around it's body, and Valkyrie hit it again. the skin dried and cracked.

China saw the god try to abandon it's vessel, but it was too late, and the body eruped into a cloud of dust.

* * *

And then there was a ringing, a ringing in her ears, and her fingertips were tingling, and warmth was rushing back to her and her heart was beating again and her lungs sucked in air and Stephanie gasped.

**Citizen soldiers.**

"Who are they?" Stephanie whispered as they walked.

"Cleavers," Skulduggery replied in a low voice. "Security guards, enforcers, and army, rolled into one. Dangerous individuals. Be glad they're on our side."

**Holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.**

She clicked her fingers, summoning a small flame into the palm of her hand. She watched it flicker and dance, then looked up at Skulduggery and grinned.

"Magic," he said.

**Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered.**

The living room was empty and so was the kitchen. She went in deeper, to the bedrooms. A woman and a girl were shackled together on the floor in the corner of the master bedroom, gags over their mouths.

She went to the woman and the girl and pulled the gags from their mouths.

There was nothing she could do about the shackles, but she burned through the ropes tying their feet and helped them up.

**We'll always be ready because we will always be there.**


	8. Valkyrie's 'to do' list

**My weak attempt at humor. Enjoy.**

* * *

Valkyrie's 'to do' list

(1)Shave Fletcher. Laugh hysterically.

(2)Learn about engines.

(3)Ask Skulduggery when the last time he brushed his teeth was, then act disgusted when he says he died before toothpaste was invented and hasn't needed it since.

(4)Egg Fergus and Byril's house.

(5)Tell Skulduggery that Fletcher crashed his Bentley.

(6)Use Echo-Gordan to "haunt" the rest of the family.

(7)Make rainbow muffins.

(8)Eat them in front of Skulduggery and make fun of him because he cant have any.

(9)Find Sanguine, steal his straight razor.

(10)When he comes to get it back, see how many crayons can fit into his eye sockets.

(11)Sell Tanith's sword on E-bay.

* * *

**What do you think? This came to me one day when I was bored in school and thinking about how it's probably been years since Skulduggery last brushed his teeth and what Fletcher would do if I shaved him. Hehehe.**

**Read and Review!**


	9. The end

**In case your wondering, Darquesse is insane, so nothing she does, thinks, or says will make any sense, and the italicized parts are what she's thinking.**

**Enjoy.**

_

* * *

_

_-Live and learn, but really death is the best teacher._

* * *

Darquesse walked through streets clogged with debris, with the smell of smoke and blood and gore hanging thickly over the dead city. Burning cars, shattered chunks of concrete that had fallen off buildings and charred, twisted forms on the ground that might have once been living beings littered the long road in front of her.

None of it slowed her for a moment. With a wave of her hand and a blast of air she shoved everything to either side of the cracked street laid out in front of her. She strode with a confidence and ease that looked out of place among the ruins of a once great city.

Darquesse turned a corner and with another wave of her hand, an entire collapsed building picked itself up off the ground and through itself into the next road over. Darquesse didn't so much as blink.

Halfway down the street, she paused and cocked her head to the side, as if listing to something. She didn't react to the footsteps coming up behind her, and barely responded when Tanith's voice said, "We have located the resistance movement hiding in the area, and attacked them last night at sunset, as you ordered." Tanith's head turned around, surveying the street, and her face smiled. "There were no survivors, as you can see"

Darquesse didn't ansure.

The thing inside Tanith lost its smile. "What is it, my liege?"

_I miss the real Tanith. _

Darquesse half closed her eyes and hissed, "Shhhhh." The Remnent frounded and searched the deserted streets around them with it's eyes.

_But then again, if this were the real Tanith, I'd have to kill her._

Darquesse finally opened her eyes and smiled warmly. "There you are." she said aloud. Ignoring The remnent, she walked to the other side of the street, stepped around a car that looked like it had been crushed by a giant fist, and waved her hand, sending a blast of air at chunk of concrete that blocked the splintered remains of a shop door.

She walked inside with an accompaniment of dust and creaking floorboards, the Remnent not far behind. They didn't have to walk far before it realized what Darquesse was doing. It's eyes widened at the sight of the bloody Cleaver lying on the floor, both its legs twisted at awkward angels, and began to plead desperately, "My liege, I have no idea how this happened. I will personally punish the one responsible for his escape, and. . . ."

"Hush." Darquesse said, with a smile still on her face.

The Cleaver's suit was tattered and torn, and it's helmet was cracked and lay on the ground a few feet away. He looked up hopefully when he herd the Remnent speak, but when he saw who it was he reached for his scythe on the ground at his side.

Darquesse just kept her sad smile and stepped on his sythe before it even left the ground. The Cleaver's eyes widened and he let go like it was molten hot. He proped himself up on his hands and began dragging himself backward desperately. For every backwards shove he took, Darquesse took one more step forward, until he was propped up against the wall, Darquesse no more than a foot away.

It was obvious he was terrified beyond reason, he trembled and a long wine escaped from his throat. His eyes were wide and afraid, an animal driven beyond the breaking point.

"W-what happened to t-th-the others?" He managed to say.

Darquesse bent down to his level, and he flinched away from her stare. "It's ok," she said reashuringly,"you'll be with them soon." She smiled.

He closed his eyes and moaned pitifully. He had brown, wavy hair and blue eyes. His features were strong, and if he were standing up he would have been tall. The poor boy couldn't have been more than 14 years old, youth forced to grow up too soon. Darquesse reached out and tucked a bloody stray lock of hair behind his ear. He began crying.

"Shhhhhh, shhhhh, shhhh. Don't cry." She said pityingly. "You'll be alright."

"Lire!" He choked out. "Your going to kill me!" He sobbed. "Just like you killed the others!" He moaned again. "The others! There dead! There dead! I'm the only one left." He shuddered in horror.

"Hush, now," Darquesse said sternly. Her hand strayed behind her, but the Cleaver boy didn't seem to notice. "Death isn't so bad. And you'll see the others soon." She smiled again. "You'll be alright."

His teary eyes met hers. "But I don't want to die!" He whispered. He diden't seem to notice when she grabbed the scythe.

Darquesse's eyes were kind."Then you should never have been born." She leaned down and kissed his forehead, then brought the scythe down on his neck. Blood splashed up in a crimson ark, and Darquesse, the wall and the floor were all covered in gore, but she didn't seem to notice. The Cleaver's head rolled away and stopped at the Remnent's feet, his now glassy eyes staring up at it in terror.

"Why do you always talk to them?" The Remnent said, picking up the head in one hand and observing it thoughtfully, without pity.

Darquesse stood up and walked over to the Remnent, taking the head out of his hands. "Why?" She said, holding the Cleaver boy's head like a precious thing. "Why do you ask questions whose ansures you will not understand?"

The Remnent just looked at her, waiting.

She sighed, "I'm bored to death, puppet dear." Darquesse wiped a drop of blood off the boy's cheek lovingly with her thumb. "I've grown tired of our wretched existence."

_I have no companions other than puppets. Marionettes I use to further my purpose._

_Puppets cannot be loved._

"You, all of you, are mere shells of emotion. I can't respect you. Can't love you." Darquesse ignored the confused Remnent and closed the Cleaver's eyes sadly with her first two fingers. "You are shadows, mere remnents of the human soul. Your the other half, the negative half of their spirit, given form."

Darquesse's smile was once again sad, and she turned and placed the Cleaver boy's head in his body's lap. She looked up at the Remnent at last and her smile turned bright.

"You miss your other half, the half of your souls the humans have, so much that you go so far as to even try to become them. You take their lives, their thoughts, their memories, their bodies, but you just can't manage to take their souls, so your lives become hallow."

Darquesse walked outside, the still confused Remnent following without question, just as it always had. The streets were no longer empty, now they were filled with people, thousands of people, if you could call them that. Remnents lined the street in every direction, eerily silent. All of them were so different in appearance, but inside, they were all copies of each other.

Darquesse and the Remnent that had once been Tanith diden't react to the army that had apparently come out of nowhere. "Hallow lives made you long for more, so you react the only way someone of your spiritual lacking can. . . ." She walked out to the middle of the street, the Remnents parting around her like the red sea, "You destroy what you want most."

Darquesse turned and faced the end of the road, feet planted apart, arms crossed, ready for anything. "And the sad thing is," She said, "you don't even know it." Her gaze was fixed firmly down the street, not looking anywhere else. For the first time her expression looked grim.

"Have you never wondered why you have that desperate need to wipe out all the humans? Why you hate them so much? Why you can't seem to bare not to be bonded to them, but even as you are, you hate them still?"

"I don't understand, my liege." The Remnent said.

"Of course you don't." She said. Her voice softened, so the Remnent couldn't hear her. "They have what you cannot give, and even though I know they will not give it to me, i can't help but want it."

Darquesse didn't move for a minuet, then said, "You think you got them all, do you?"

"I assure you, my liege, that one was the only survivor. They are all dead." The Remnent seemed to decide to forget it's master's insanity for a moment, and smiled in satisfaction.

Darquesse almost smiled ,too, almost. "Oh, no. He is still alive." She murmured to herself.

"My liege?" The Remnent said.

"Yes?"

"Are you. . . waiting for something?"

A disturbance raced through the crowd of Remnents as they all turned to face the end of the street.

"Why, yes, yes I am." She smiled. "And here he is now."

The crowds of Remnents parted to revile a skeleton in a torn black suit striding confidently straight down the street. The anger and violence in his stance was evident. There was a gun in his hand, pointed straight at the ground.

He stopped about ten yards away, surrounded by a legion of Remnents, beyond caring about death. Darquesse and the skeleton faced each other squarely, observing.

"Fletcher was in that attack, you know" Skulduggery finally spoke. He sounded furious.

Darquesse's expression was saddened. "That's too bad."

"He died horribly. Very messy. Lots of screaming and gore. It looked painful." He seethed.

"Oh, dear." She said regretfully "I wish he didn't have to go like that."

Skulduggery's grip on the gun tightened. His skull looked slowly back and forth, surveying the charred remains of the people who had died here. "Do you care at all?" He finally exploded "There were children we were protecting! Not even a year old! Doesn't that bother you?"

"Does that bother _you_?" Darquesse asked, seeming honestly curious.

"Yes! You know that!" he said, exasperated.

"Hmmmmm." She said thoughtfully. Her eyes roamed around the gathering of Remnents, stopping to rest on a Remnent occupying the body of a girl of about 7 years old, with blond curls, blue eyes, and a bloody machete strapped to her back. Darquesse smiled at her, or it, and beckoned it forward. It obliged without question. She pulled it around her, facing Skulduggery, and cradled her hands on either side of the thing's face.

"Would you be upset if I killed it?" She asked curiously. The Remnent stiffened in her hands.

Skulduggery glanced at it briefly, then said, annoyed, "Why do you ask these silly questions?"

"To hear your answers."

Skulduggery hesitates, "I say if there is no reason to kill it, leave it alone."

"Ansure my question."

Probably thinking this is some sort of trick, he finally says, "I would not be upset if you killed the Remnent."

Darquesse's magic worked quickly to kill the thing she held, black shadows curled underneath it's skin away from the hands placed so lovingly on either side of it's pretty face and it paled dramatically to a sickly white color and black veins popped up across it's skin and it's eyes widened in surprise and dark blood trickled out of the corner of it's mouth and the Remnet was dead.

The body of the little girl fell to the dusty street.

"You look upset, Skulduggery." She observed.

"You are cruel." He said harshly. "Cruelness without rational thought is not far from insanity."

She shrugged. "I have my reasons."

"So what now, Darquesse?" Skulduggery asked. "You kill me and then what? What was the point of all this?"

Darquesse got a dreamy look on her face. She held up her hand and clicked her fingers, summing a yellow-orange flame in her hand. The fire began to creep and twist down her arm, the heat seeming not to have any effect on her. She looked at it with cloudy eyes, lost in memories.

"Do you remember the first time i made fire, Skulduggery?" She asked quietly. She knew he could hear her, but he didn't react. "Do you remember the first time i did magic?"

"Ansure my question!" He shouted.

Darquesse's eyes hardened and her hand snapped closed into a fist. The fire flared up bright red for a moment, then settled down to a simmering black. "Your question is meaningless to me." She stated firmly.

"Darquesse. . . ." Skulduggery said warningly. He raised his gun and pointed it at her.

"This ends now." She said. The flames rose higher. Skulduggery cocked his gun back.

"Remnent."

The Remnent looked up from the body of the girl at Darquesse's feet. Tanith's face looked worried when it said "Yes, my liege?"

"I want you to know, you were always my favorite puppet."She said softly.

_But puppets can't love._

"My liege?" The Remnent sounded worried.

One of Darquesse's signature sad smiles found its way onto her face, and she said, "Good by, Skulduggery Pleasant. Its been an absolute pleasure knowing you."

"Likewise."

The black flame Darquesse held almost seemed to shrink upon itself for a moment, like a super nova about to go off, and Skulduggery tightened his finger on the trigger.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Darquesse's hand shot out in a sudden movement and fire flew in a steady stream from her fingers. Heat waves that melted concrete and sparks that danced like wildfire clashed to make a hellish symphony the devil himself would have been proud of, and through all the noise and heat and flame a single gunshot could be herd.

.

..

...

...

...

..

.

Silence rang through the city.

.

..

...

...

...

..

.

A dead breeze blew away the leftover heat and smoke.

.

..

...

...

...

..

.

"Why did you miss?" Skulduggery Pleasant asked, facing his foe standing tall and unharmed.

.

..

...

...

...

..

.

Darquesse smiled again, one with real happiness in it, and said, "Because a child can't help but love it's father." Blood trickled out of the corner of her mouth.

Darquesse, Enemy of the World, Queen of the Remnents, Conqueror of the Free Peoples, fell to her knees, grasping the bloody bullet hole in her stomach.

Skulduggery looked around, at all the charred and twisted forms lying on the ground, all that remained of Darquesse's earth conquering army of Remnents. He sighed and crossed the space between them with relunktent steppes.

Darquesse never took her gaze off the skeleton's face, and her genuine smile remained, like she couldn't feel the pain of the fatal wound spilling blood through her fingers.

"They couldn't remain. If I let them live, my purpose would not have been fulfilled."

Skuldeggery stood directly in front of her, looking down at her with his head cocked to one side. "What is your purpose?"

Darquesse's eyes softened. "I don't have one." she whispered, no longer having the strength to talk. She swayed a little.

The cold steel barrel of Skulduggery's gun touched her forehead.

A moment of silence crawled by.

Darquesse's eyes clouded and she toppled over, shuddering.

Skulduggery stood frozen, a mannequin, then sighed, tucked his gun into his coat, and knelt down at his old apprentice's side.

"I kept my my promise." The words barley made it past her lips. Her eyes were sightless, they stared blankly at the sky.

"What promise was that?" Skulduggery asked.

"When I promised you that we would be together, until the end." Darquesse paused and began coughing. Skulduggery held her head up, and when she finally stopped, there was blood on her shirt.

"Valkyrie, your crazy." Skulduggery said half heartedly.

_Valkyrie. That was my name, once upon a time. . . ._

She smiled again and, using the last of her strength, reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. "And truly, this is. . . ." Shadows twisted down her arm and shot through his body, he tried to pull away, too late. He jerked, as if shocked, and collapsed next to her."The end."

Darquesse coughed blood once, twice, her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed.

Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant were no more.

* * *

_-Love and death have a way of distorting things._

* * *

**What did you think? It made me a little sad writing it, and I had to push myself more than unusual to get the story to flow, but all in all, it turned out better than I thought it would.**

**I think.**

**May be.**

**Hopefully.**

**My wonderful beta, (Mademise Morte) finished up the prolog for One Week in Hell, and well I am a bit worried I'm letting a little too much of her writing show through mine, I think of it as a lesson learned. I look at her's, and I look at mine, and I see what I probably could have done better, and the next time I write, I try to fix that. And all that happened without her telling me what I did wrong or could have done better. Thank you, Mademise.**

**And that was so incredibly sappy, I'm going to forget I ever wrote it. **

**Read and review.**

**-Dantea**


	10. Forget Me

**It's been a while since I've posted. Don't blame me, I've been grounded. Hope and pray it doesn't happen again.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

"You may now kiss the bride!"

At the words Fletcher turned to me with a customary Fletcher smile, held me at the waist, dipped me low, and planted a kiss on my lips that wasn't really appropriate in front of an audience and made me blush a ridiculous shade of red, but that seemed oddly right for the moment.

Huuurgh.

Show off.

It seemed to make everyone else happy, though. Cat calls and whistles and laughter rang through the church, and I could see Ghastghly and Tanith holding hands, golden rings of their own glittering on their fingers, and my dad was scowling at Fletcher, and my mom was trying to control my little sister, who was jumping up and down and waving her hands and screaming with everyone else.

Fletcher finally pulled me out of the kiss, smiling,

And yes, I said a _church_. Unusual, to say the least, given my experience with religious nut jobs, but, whatever.

Not that I'm saying the priest was a religious nut job, but. . . .

Actually, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Back to my wedding.

My face was split into a wide smile, and Fletcher was holding both my hands in his, our rings glittering on our finger's. Randomly, the thought entered my head that I was married now. Married! Wait, would I have to change my last name to Renn? Oh god, why didn't I think of this sooner?

I should really stop rushing into things.

My eye was drawn to the back of the church, where a tall, well dressed man stood, leaning against the wall holding a half filled glass of wine. He wasn't clapping, but a smile was on his face, and when he caught my eye he held the glass up in salute and gave me a nod.

I nodded in turn and winked at him, and Skulduggery, still smiling, pushed himself off the wall and without a backward glance walked out of the church, going who knows where, chucking the glass in a garbage can on the way out.

A waist of a good glass, if you ask me. Not that anybody did.

* * *

Later that night at the reception, Fletcher and I were sitting together at the head of the table, and Beryl was making a big speech in my honor, something so sticky sweet and sappy that I'm shore if I had been listing, I would have been gagging at the false sincerity in her voice.(God, who invited that woman? It serenely wasn't me!) And that's when Skullduggery's voice whispered right in my ear, like the stalker I know he is inside, "Having fun?"

I jumped a little, and wiped my head around and glared death and mayhem at him, and he denied to himself how truly terrifying he thought my wrath was and ignored me.

"I said it once, I'll say it again. You are a stalker!" I whispered furiously.

I turned back to Beryl so it looked like I was listening to her, but could still hear the smile in his voice when Skulduggery said, "The very best kind."

Fletcher turned and glanced at the stalker skeleton behind me, then frowned. "You shouldn't be here without your scarf and hat, just in case your façade fails again."

Byril finished her speech and everyone clapped politely, and when I glanced over, it looked like my dad was chocking on something, (possibly Beryl's false sincerity), and then the D.J. came on and said he was going to start the music back up, but slow things down a bit.

"Don't worry, I'm only here for a few minuets. I just needed to tell you and Valkyrie that. . . ." He trailed back into silence. I turned around to look at him and found his focus not on me,(which is a crime against nature) or Fletcher, but on something across the dance floor in front of us.

"Dam it. I told him to wait outside!" I was only half listening to him at that point, because when I turned back to the dance floor, who did I see standing there just out of reach of the dancers, but the one man who could ruin my marriage?

I tried to ignore him for a moment, and glanced over at Fletcher to judge his reaction. His face wore open hostility, and his hand found mine under the table, squeezing too tight. He appeared to be trying to have some kind of glaring contest with the man across the dance floor, which was made difficult by the fact that he only had eyes for me and was ignoring Fletcher.

Skulduggery sighed. "Well, I would love to stay, but it looks like some newly wed idiot is about to attack a vampire in public with mortals around, and I don't really feel like watching the vampire kick his ass, so I'll be going now."

Fletcher turned to glare at Skulduggery, but he had already disappeared, even without a nearby door or a crowd to disappear into, yet more stalkerish behavior. I kept my eyes on him.

"I'm throwing him out." Fletcher stood up, but I laid my hand on his arm and pulled him down.

"No!" I hissed. "Don't make a sean!"

"But. . . ."

"Let me talk with him."

"But. . . ."

"Thanks Fletcher."

"But. . . ."

Before he could finish I stood up and walked away, leaving him staring after me looking like a fish with his mouth hanging open. A fish, but a cute fish. I would never marry an ugly fish.

My god. I can't believe I really just thought that.

I strode over to the vampire staring intently at me from across the dance floor, (Skulduggery must be giving stalker lessons now) and walked right up to him, not too close, and waited.

Finally, after much heart-in-the-eyes, chick flick sappy, worthy of Edward Gay Cullen staring between us, he smiled half heartedly and said, "I almost didn't believe it."

"Neither did I." I said.

"I thought at the very least you would have told me yourself. I found out through a internet rumor, did you know that?"

"No. I had hoped if I kept my distance you would forget about me eventfully."

"You mean you hoped if you kept your distance, I wouldn't be able to convinced you not to go through with it."

I didn't answer.

He smiled sadly.

And then "Time After Time" started playing. How clishi.

Caelen hesitantly held out his hand, looking vonerable and o so scared, and asked, "Can I have this dance?"

I held his eyes, understanding more than was said with my secret womanly intuition, that he ment can i have this one, last dance, before. . . . something. my intuition failed me at that point.

I hesitated a moment, then I nodded and took his hand.

(Watch video /watch?v=Q1VlRqeTkE0)

_Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,_  
_and think of you_  
_caught up in circles confusion-_  
_is nothing new_  
_Flashback-warm nights-_  
_almost left behind_  
_suitcases of memories,_  
_time after-_

Still holding hands, Caelan led me to the dance floor and spun me around once before pulling me close. I rested my hands on his shoulders and he put his on my waist.

We began to dance.

_sometimes you picture me-_  
_I'm walking too far ahead_  
_you're calling to me, I can't hear_  
_what you've said-_  
_Then you say-go slow-_  
_I fall behind-_  
_the second hand unwinds_

We danced slow, and I rested my head on his chest.

"You haven't answered my phone calls." He said.

I didn't answer.

"I miss you." he whispered in my ear.

I sighed sadly. "Then miss me."

_chorus:_  
_if you're lost you can look-and you will find me_  
_time after time_  
_if you fall I will catch you-I'll be waiting_  
_time after time._

_I_ could see Fletcher out of the corner of my eye, standing off to the side and glaring at Caelan.

_after my picture fades and darkness has_  
_turned to gray_  
_watching through windows-you're wondering_  
_if I'm OK_  
_secrets stolen from deep inside_  
_the drum beats out of time-_

"I still love you." Caelan whispered.

_chorus:_  
_if you're lost..._

I lifted my head off his chest and looked him in the eye.

_you said go slow-_  
_I fall behind_  
_the second hand unwinds-_

I stretched up on my toes and placed my mouth near his ear.

_Chorus:_  
_if you're lost..._

"Then love me." I whispered.

_...time after time_

"But when your done missing me. . . "

_time after time_

"And when your done loving me. . . ."

_time after time_

"You need to take a step back. . . ."

_time after time_

"And forget about me."

I pulled back and drew my face so close to his, our noses touched and our lips were just a hairsbreadth away. My eyes were locked on his.

"Goodbye, Caelan."

I pulled back and walked away, weaving through the crowd and making my way to Fletcher. I opened my arms and he pulled me into a hug, and I rested my head on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and glared at Caelan. My eyes gazed at his, and when I spoke, I knew he could hear every word with his supernatural hearing.

"I do love you, Caelan, but I love him more."

His eyes filled with pain, and he nodded, and then someone passed in front of me and my view of him was gone, and when they were past, he had disappeared.

"It had to be done." Fletcher said into my hair.

"I know," I said quietly. "but that doesn't make it any easier."

"I know." He said. And then he led me out onto the dance floor, and I kissed the husband I loved with all my heart.

* * *

**Suicide** at Seán O'Casey Bridge

It is reported that at 7:36 p.m., just before sunset on October the 22nd, a man was seen by a casual passerby about to jump off the Sean O,Casey Bridge in Dublin. The brave citizen then called the Garza, and attempted to talk the suicide down. The Garza, unfortunately, got there too late and was unable to save the poor man before he jumped. The attempts of the citizen to talk him down, one Demi Verona, were also unsuccessful. His body was found three hours later, about five miles downriver. His body has only been identified as "Caelan", last name unknown, and no one matching his description has been reported missing. He is reported to be 5"11, 134 pounds, dark haired, dark eyed, white male dressed in a suit. If you know someone by this description, and have not seen him in over twelve hours, the Garza ask that you step forward so that the body might be identified and properly buried. On a side note, in an interview with Demi Verona, she said, "It's so sad what the worlds coming to, when you could through your life away for a woman. Just before he jumped, I asked him why, and do you know what he said? He said, '. . . .Because I can't go on without her.'"

Article by Helena Johns, The Dublin Times

Copyright The news 23.10.2010

Saturday, October 23, 2010

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**This ending made me sad.**

**Read and review.**


	11. The End is Nigh:Ch1

**I finaly figured out where I wanted this story to go.**

**Texas. ;)**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

"Your going to America", are not the first words you want to hear on a Monday morning.

Unfortunately, these weren't the first words Valkyrie herd the Monday morning after she had a visit from her possessed best friend. The first words she herd were, "Your going to America to build diplomatic relationships, because I'm too chicken to do it myself."

Well, maby not that last bit.

Valkyrie stared at Skulduggery, waiting for the punch line. None came. "Your serious, aren't you?"

"Unfortinitly, yes."

"But I don't know how to build diplomatic relationships."

"Now is a splendid time to learn."

"But I would be terrible at it!"

"That is why you need practice. You can't always hit people to make things go your way"

"But the Americans are unofficially threatening us!"

"And your going to unafishily threten them back."

"But I don't want to go!" She wined.

"Ok, now your just being childish." Skulduggery said, a smile in his voice. His facade was up, with brown hair and two green eyes, one of which was on his forehead. Valkyrie saw a woman in the next car over stuck at a traffic light, staring at Skulduggery through the windshield with her mouth open.

She sighed and shook her head. Skulduggery put the Bentley into gear and sped off, leaving the baffled woman behind.

"What do we need to build diplamatic relationships for? Everyone loves us!"

"No, they don't."

"Ok, that was a little exaggerated. . . ."

"A little?"

"Shut up. But that doesn't mean I have to go! Don't the Elders do stuff like that?" Valkyrie asked, a plead creeping into her voice.

"Well, actually we have a minister of forien affairs for stuff like that. . . ."

"Then what do I need to go for?"

"Its always good to try new things."

"Sense when?"

"Sense your going."

"I hate you."

"I know."

* * *

**Yes, this is going to be one of those stories that happens in a lot of little chapters that takes forever to get to the point of the story.**

**Don't blame me, I don't have the time to do a long drawn out chapter with a lot of little details. I have Spanish to do.**

**Does anyone speak Spanish?**

**Read and review.**


	12. The End is Nigh:Ch2

The new sanctuary was a creepy place.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked quickly down the hall of history, Valkyrie's eyes once again drawn to the illustration of the Unnamed glaring down at them from the wall. A familiar fish-hook-tugging-at-her-gut feeling came upon her, and she tyred to ignore it. There was just something unsettling about the deserted city, the piles of dead, the Unnamed standing in the middle of it all, burning with black fire.

Well, more unsettling than the obvious, anyways.

Skulduggery began whistling cheerfully as they walked along deserted halls, to the great annoyance of Valkyrie. They came to an intersection, and Skulduggery turned left.

Valkyrie frouned. "Why are we going this way? This is the long way."

"Your powers of observation continue to astound me."

"Why are we going this way?"

"I felt like taking the scenic rought." Skulduggery said cheerfully. A little too cheerfully.

"But we never take the scenic rought."

"It's always good to try something new."

"I'm getting sick of hearing you say that."

"I can imagine."

"This hall has the Elders offices in it."

"So?"

"Madam Mist is here."

"So?"

"She is soooo creepy! And there are always spiders around her!"

"Your afraid of spiders?"

"No!" Valkyrie said indignently.

Skulduggery remained silent for a while, and Valkyrie had to hurry to keep up with his long stride. The lighting in this part of the building was terrible, and if there was a spider hiding in one of the corners, she wouldn't know about it until one landed in her hair. She shuddered at the thought.

"I don't want to go that way." Skulduggery said quietly, almost too quietly to hear. Valkyrie glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. His impassive skull gave nothing away, but his voice sounded slightly off.

He is keeping something from me. The thought came as an unpleasant surprise to Valkyrie, and she was a little hurt, too. They were partners, after all, they were ment to tell each other everything.

Not that Valkyrie was always completely honest with him.

She kept the the frown from her face and continued on as if she was totally clueless. If he wanted to keep something from her, she trusted him enough to tell her when the time came if it was important or dangerous.

Still, she couldn't help but glance back curiously, wondering what Skulduggery was avoiding down that hall. Nothing came to mind. The quickest way to the main hall of the sanctuary. The entrance the Torment's house. Staveien Weeper's office.

Nothing of emiediet importance.

"Fine" she huffed, hiding her suspicion. "But if I get bitten by a poisonous spider, your paying for my funeral."

"That's fair." His voice was back to it's usual good humor, and Valkyrie let his odd behavior slide to the back of her mind.

A door opened farther down the hall and light spilled out, briefly illuminating the veiled figure of Madam Mist striding down the hall twords them. The door banged shut with a slam and they were left back in half darkness. Valkyrie tyred not to shudder as the Elder passed so close she could feel the brush of her cloths as she stormed down the hall.

"What's the rush?" Valkyrie wondered out loud when the sound of her footsteps disappeared rapidly into the distance.

"Not a clue." Skulduggery said. And there it was, that false note in his voice.

Valkyrie glanced at him again, slightly worried. Skulduggery was usually a better lire than this.

After many more dark, spooky corridors, they finally arrived at the main hall of the sanctuary, a long, well lit place with a floor tilted at a slight angle. Sorcerers hurried along back and forth, after their own business.

Skulduggery turned to her, head tillted. "You have a spider on your shoulder."

There was in fact a spider on her shoulder. A big, fat, hairy spider. Valkyrie squeaked shrilly and began beating at it frantically. When it fell off, she started stomping on it with her boot.

"And you said you wern't afraid of spiders?" Skulduggery said, amusment in his tone.

"I'm not! I just don't want to walk around with one on my shoulder all day!"

"Right."

"Yes"

"Good."

"Great."

"There is another one on your arm."

Valkyrie squeaked again and slapped her arm automatically. Upon realizing that there was, in fact, no spider, she glared death at the smirking skeleton besides her.

She scouled. "You wouldn,t think it was so funny if it was you who. . . ." Valkyrie's voice trailed off into silence as she looked at him, and her eyes widened.

"What?" Skulduggery asked.

"Don't move." Valkyrie manged to choke out. She slowly reached her hand out to him.

"What?" Skulduggery's voice rose in pitch, but he stayed frozen.

"A spider. . . ." Valkyrie said, her eyes locked on his forehead. She reached out to the frozen skeleton with agonizing slowness, entirely focused on a spot in the middle of his forehead.

Then her palm snapped out with suprising speed and hit him just between the eyes.

She doubled over laughing as his head reeled back with the force of the blow, and then started laughing all over again when Skulduggery glared at her, waves of hostility rolling off him.

"There was no spider, was there?" he asked.

"No!" She managed between bouts of laughter. Passing sorcerers looked at them funny, but none stooped to see what the crazy detective and his weird partner were up to this time.

"Grrrrr." Skulduggery growled as he turned and stalked away, leaving the still giggling Valkyrie to catch up.

* * *

The spider was small, and thin. It was not very big, and it wasn't poisonous, and it couldn't defeat an enemy to save it's own life, but this spider knew it was special.

It crawled with its hair thin legs down the side of the dark haired girl's coat, almost falling off as she started to shriek and hit at his brother in arms placed by his master on the girl's shoulder, a diversion to keep the girl and the man made of bones and smelling of death from finding him.

His brother died knowing he had done all he could to serve their master, the veiled child of the spider, so the small spider did not mourn his brother's loss, rather, he celebrated that his life was given for a worthy cause.

He crawled quickly downwards, settling himself in the girl's coat pocket. He knew he was in for a long ride, but he would endure it. For his master, he would endure the annoying girl and the jolting he was going to receive in her pocket, and the dead man making bad jokes, and the loss of his brother spider. For her, his master, he would endure death, if it came to it.

He may not have been a big spider, and he may not have been a poisinus spider, but he was something very few spiders ever got the chance to be.

He was a listening spider.


	13. Help Meeeeee!

**Emergency!**

**English assignment. Due next week. Subject: foreign Christmases.**

**If your not from America, please tell me what you dofor Christmas that is different from the U.S.! I cant find any web sights that say stuff about it, and I'm starting to panic. **

**Thanks! Luv u lots peoples of the Earth! Sorry about getting your hopes up about another post!**

**-Dantea**


	14. Now this, is a problem

**_So, I finally got around to finishing this. Thanks to all of you who helped out with my homework, I would personilly thank you all, but I don't feel like doing it right now, so maybe later._**

**_Enjoy._**

_

* * *

__In this fateful hour,_

_All heaven with it's power._

_The sun with it's brightness,_

_The snow with it's whiteness,_

_The fire with all the strength it hath._

_The lightning with it's rapid wrath,_

_The winds with their swiftness,_

_The sea with it's deepness,_

_The rocks with their steepness,_

_The earth with it's starkness,_

_All these I place between myself,_

_And the powers of darkness!_

_

* * *

_Snow Blackwood was a level five blackmaster, the leading researcher of major curses, a professional summoner of minor demons, and a man with a particular gift for the art of voodoo. He was currently teaching Magical Defense Tactics at the University of Sorcerers in Dublin, Ireland, with a side job as a consultant of the magical arts for the Irish Sanctuary's few detectives.

He was also a very bad man.

Valkyrie could see him from her vantage point atop the University's gymnasium, peering through the skylight. His long, brown hair was pulled back in a pony tail, and his sharp features and dark eyes looked drawn and haggard. The long, black cloak he wore trailed to the floor in a dramatic, sweeping wave that put an air of mystery about him that he wouldn't normally posses, and looked strange and out of place in the modern day gym.

"The blackmasters, you see, were the original practitioners of the dark arts," Whispered Skulduggery, crouched down besides her and peering at the odd seen below them. "They are the ones that gave magic a bad name, with all the demon summoning and curses. They rely mostly on objects and talismans to focus their magic, and a particular favorite of theirs over the last couple hundred years is using circles and pentagrams to halt magical energy, as is displayed by our good friend, Mr. Blackwood."

Blackwood did, indeed, have both a pentagram and a circle laid out on the floor, three of them, in fact, overlapping each other, with a lot more than that. There were candles of varying height, the only source of light in the shadowy room, shards of glass and seashells hanging suspended from the ceiling, strange objects that Valkyrie didn't even recognize, all arranged in complicated patterns barely detectable to the eye.

"This is a major summoning circle, probably used to call up demonic demigods and archangels, things like that." Skulduggery cocked his skull at an angle that Valkyrie took to be confused, and studied the complicated assortment of magic laid out on the gym floor. "All that other stuff could be used to adapt the circle to other things, fallen angles and Fea Queens, maybe the Leanansidhe, if you had enough energy to power it. I really don't know enough about summoning to be shore."

Valkyrie stared at him in astonishment. "Are you serious? Fallen angles? Demigods? Fairy Queens? Are those things even real?"

Skulduggery looked at her with an alarming amount of seriousness. "You'd be surprised. Summoning things like that from other worlds and pocket dimensions was outlawed long ago, and I'm not even shore if those things are still around, after the Faceless Ones started tearing through the walls of reality and killing off worlds, but apparently Blackwood managed to dig up the oh so famous 'How To' books from some long forgotten corner of the globe. "

Indeed, Blackwood carried an open, leather bound book in his hands, which he was consulting every couple of moments after looking at his twisted creation of dark magic and evil purposes.

"Could he actually summon a Faceless One with that?" Valkyrie asked nervously. She didn't fancy trying to fight one if Blackwood managed to summon it before they could stop him.

"I don't see why he would; he hasn't ever shown an interest in the Dark Gods, much less the level of fanaticism needed to actually WANT them here." Skulduggery replied quietly, thoughtfully.

"But could he, if he did want to?" Valkyrie asked.

"I don't think he'll try, but he certainly could."

Valkyrie stared at him. "I think we should go stop him now."

Skulduggery shook his head, his attention still on the room below. "No, we have to wait until he brings out Rave, or we may never find him."

"What makes you think he'll bring Rave here?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery lowered his voice as some commotion at the doors to the gym took Blackwood's attention from his circle. "The Blackmasters were also famous for their practice of using human sacrifice to power their spells. They were unusually common in the ancient Aztec communities. They used to-"

He was abruptly cut off as Valkyrie slammed her hand over his mouth and hissed "Shhhhhh!" The commotion at the door resolved itself into six figures carrying something between them. A man. They were carrying a limp, bloody man between them, evening out the weigh, although he couldn't have weighed much with how terribly thin he was. Valkyrie had seen a picture of him when they first took on this case.

Shabble Rave. He was a third year student at the University, and most of his classes were in "Professor" Blackwood's class, as the Director of the school had told them. He was a bright boy, very promising talent, his other teachers informed them, when questioned. His picture showed a thin, awkward man of average height, all elbows and knees. Long, carrot red hair and wire frame glasses almost covered his bright, intelligent eyes, and his smile was shy, but nice. In the picture, he had been warring a plane T-shirt with a picture of a T-rex chasing a running figure with the words "Exercise; A little motivation required." on the front.

All in all, Valkyrie had thought at the time, he looked like a nerd.

The figures were all cloaked and hooded, their identities unknown. They carried Rave to the center of the gym, carefully avoiding the magical setup, and placed him on the ground. His hair was dirty and unwashed, his chest was bare, and his feet were shoeless, his only clothes were a dirty pair of jeans, ripped and tattered. He was unconscious.

An unexpected well of pity came from Valkyrie, for the poor sorcerer who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and didn't deserve any of this. She ignored it and focused on the problem at hand.

Blackwood had pulled a paint brush and a small carving knife out of the folds and pockets of his robe, and had opened a cut on his own wrist to dip the paint brush into and use to paint squiggly symbols on the chest of Shabble Rave, which began to writhe and worm around on the poor man's skin. His eyes trembled below his eyelids, and a small whimper escaped his lips, but he remained unconscious.

Blackwood stepped back and gestured to one of the cloaked figures, Valkyrie thought this one was a woman, and she stepped forward and raised her arms, and with barely a tremble in the air, Rave rose off the ground and began to float toward the elaborate setup of magical artifacts.

Skulduggery cursed and stood out of his crouch. "Those are not symbols of sacrifice." He said as he bent down and pulled Valkyrie to her feet. "Those are symbols of possession!"

He raised his hand and snapped his palm, and a blast of air took out the skylight in an explosion of glass and noise. He stepped up to the edge and dropped down, slowing his fall with air, and landed in the middle of the group of cloaked figures, all ready moving to take them out with a series of blinding jabs and his revolver aimed to disable with shots to the legs and arms.

Valkyrie was two seconds behind, landing next to Blackwood with shadows curling around her fist and a ball of fire in her other hand, ready for anything. Blackwood turned to face her, his features distorted with rage. He reached in his cloak's pocket and drew out. . . .

A Barbie doll. He reached into his coat and brought out a dark haired, dressed in pink, a lipstick smile painted on, honest to god, Barbie doll. Suddenly, Valkyrie felt like laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

"What do you plan on doing with that?" Valkyrie asked skeptically.

Blackwood smiled, and Valkyrie lost some of her confidence. He bent down and picked up a piece of fallen glass near his foot. A dark drop of blood stained it's clear surface. Valkyrie glanced down at her fist, for the first time noticing a small sliver of a cut, blood oozing out. He brought the glass shard to the face of the Barbie and carefully wiped the spot of blood onto the plastic cheek of the doll. He gripped the doll tightly in his fist, his fingers overlapping it's arms, and, with his eyes on Valkyrie, he whispered ancient words of magic. "Ubriacha, ubrius, ubrium,"

An aurora of magic suddenly sprang up around the doll, and Valkyrie felt the effects of the spell imidetly. Her arms snapped down to her sides, and the flame went out and the shadows thinned and disappeared. Too late, she remembered Blackwood's skill with voodoo. She could almost feel his thick fingers wrap around her, binding her arms to her sides. She struggled uselessly, tried to call out, saw Blackwood curl a finger around the dolls mouth as her lips sealed themselves shut, and she struggled all the harder.

Blackwood turned to Skulduggery, who was grappling with the last man standing, besides the woman holding Rave suspended in thin air above the circle, trying to concentrate so she wouldn't drop the man onto their project.

"Dead Man!" Blackwood called out. Skulduggery turned to him as soon as his opponent clasped into a heap on the floor, unconscious. "Lay down you weapon and surrender, or your partner won't live to see tomorrow."

To emphasize his point, Blackwood gave the doll a tight squeeze and raised his arm up. Valkyrie felt herself rise above the floor, and her struggles became frantic as pressure spread across her chest, painfully tight and restricting her breathing. A whimper of pain came from the back of her throat, and her back arched, trying to free herself from the invisible hand that held her tight. Blackness spread across her vision, and her eyes fluttered.

She was caught like a rat in a trap.

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**Read and review.**


	15. Ain't no rest for the wicked

**Another one! Here is the link to hear this song: (.com/watch?v=wBgp5aDH23g) and put (youtube) infront of the .com or it wont work.**

**Enjoy.**

_

* * *

__I was walking down the street,_  
_When out the corner of my eye_  
_I saw a pretty little thing approaching me._  
_She said "I've never seen a man_  
_Who looks so all alone,_  
_Could you use a little company?_

Larry Fowler was a fit man, but he still couldn't out run a car.

Lungs heaving, heart pumping, drenched in sweat, he raced down the cobbled streets of London slipping and sliding around on the pavement, almost falling several times. His breath puffed out white in the frozen air, and his black trench coat rippled out behind him.

In the distance, a car engine accelerated.

_If you can pay the price_  
_Your evening will be nice,_  
_And you can go and send me on my way."_  
_I said "You're such a sweet young thing_  
_Why you do this to yourself?"_  
_She looked at me and this is what she said:_

Through the dark streets he ran, and not a soul did he see, and through the fog and icy air, he couldn't see the frozen ice puddle until it tore his legs out from under him and he crashed into the pavement.

He looked up and saw the headlights of a car fall on him as it rounded the street.

_"Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked,_  
_Money don't grow on trees._  
_I got bills to pay,_  
_I got mouths to feed,_  
_There ain't nothing in this world for free._  
_I know I can't slow down,_  
_I can't hold back,_  
_Though you know, I wish I could._  
_No there ain't no rest for the wicked,_  
_Until we close our eyes for good"._

Fowler turned himself on his back so he could see the approaching car, a truck, he could now see. The headlights blinded him and he raised his hand to shield his eyes. The driver was cast in shadow.

He began using his feet to propel himself backward as the truck accelerated down the road, but that treacherous ice got him again and his feet found no purchase. The truck sped down the street, showing no sign of stopping.

Fowler raised his arm as if to shield himself and cried out in terror, but the driver apparently didn't plan on running him over. The truck screeched to a stop a hand's breath away from him, Fowler could see his own wide, terrified eyes looking back at him in the reflection of the bumper.

_Not even fifteen minutes later_  
_I'm still walking down the street,_  
_When I saw a shadow of a man creep out of sight._  
_And then he sweeps up from behind_  
_And puts a gun up to my head,_  
_He made it clear he wasn't looking for a fight._

The driver opened the door and slammed it shut, leaving the engine running idly. Footsteps crunched on gravel as he made his way to the front of the truck.

Fowler turned onto his hands and knees and desperately tried to crawl away, though he knew it was hopeless.

The footsteps got closer, and the heel of a boot smashed into the small of his back, and he collapsed onto the pavement.

_He said "Give me all you've got_  
_I want your money not your life,_  
_But if you try to make a move I won't think twice."_  
_I go like "You can have my cash_  
_But first you know I got to ask_  
_What made you want to live this kind of life?"_

Fowler tried to push himself to his feet, but collapsed back onto the ground under the weight of the man's foot.

He twisted, he squirmed, he bucked and he kicked, all to no avail. The man held him to the ground with no apparent effort.

The man's southern drawl came out of the night somewhere above Fowler's head. "Now ya'll don't get too comfortable down there, ya hear?"

_He said "There ain't no rest for the wicked,_  
_Money don't grow on trees._  
_I got bills to pay,_  
_I got mouths to feed,_  
_There ain't nothing in this world for free._  
_I know I can't slow down,_  
_I can't hold back,_  
_Though you know, I wish I could._  
_No there ain't no rest for the wicked,_  
_Until we close our eyes for good"._

"What do you want?" Fowler sobbed into the ground, finally falling still after realizing he wasn't getting away.

"Oh, well I kinda want gun, ya know? I been thinkin about gettin one for a while now, just so I don't got to chase idiots like you who insist on runnin away. It makes things loads easier on me, don't ya think?"

Fowler could almost feel the man's smile. He began to cry.

The man sighed. "But I don't think that's what you was thinking of. You see, it don't matter to you what I want, what matters to you is what my employers want. And guess what?"

_Now a couple hours have passed_  
_And I was sitting at my house,_  
_The day was winding down and coming to an end._  
_So I turned on the TV_  
_And flipped it over to the news,_  
_And what I saw I almost couldn't comprehend._

Fowler whimpered.

"Go on, guess! I bet you can't. I bet you can't! But ya know what? I'm goin to tell you anyway."

At this the man leaned down and whispered directly into Fowler's ear. "They want you dead."

"Please! I have a family! A wife! Kids! I don't want to die!" He sobbed into the dirty street, knowing it was hopeless, but having to try anyway.

_I saw a preacher man in cuffs he'd taken money from the church,_  
_He stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills._  
_But even still I can't say much_  
_Because I know we're all the same,_  
_oh yes we all seek out to satisfy those thrills_

Billy-Ray Sanguine smiled. "Awww, come on! You know I don't care about any of that!"

Fowler felt the hit man shift his weight slightly, and suddenly there was a blade pressed to his neck. He froze.

And now Sanguine's voice was mean. "Now beg me to stop."

The blade pierced skin.

_"Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked,_  
_Money don't grow on trees._  
_We got bills to pay,_  
_We got mouths to feed,_  
_There ain't nothing in this world for free._  
_I know we can't slow down,_  
_We can't hold back,_  
_Though you know, we wish we could._  
_No there ain't no rest for the wicked,_  
_Until we close our eyes for good"_

Larry Fowler begged, he screamed, he whimpered, and it was glorious. And when Sanguine finally ended his life, Fowler welcomed death with open arms, and his blood stained the pavement dark crimson, all ready starting to freeze at the edges.

Billy-Ray Sanguine made enough money that night to buy several guns, of questionable origin, but he decided not to, in favor of his straight razor, and ended up spending it on booze and woman instead, and he was happy.

* * *

**What did you think? I'm not shore if I got Sanguine's accent quite right, and I really should know, living in Texas and all, but it's hard to type an accent. I'll work on it though.**

**Thanks for all the reviews! And if anyone comments on my grammar, I know, I know, It's terrible. Lets move on.**

**Read and review!**


	16. Now this, is a problemch2

**Well, I'm on a roll this week! Thank god for vacations!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

"You've lost, Blackwood. Your accomplices are down, your elemental friend is about to drop Rave on the floor, your only hope is a hostage, and we aren't leaving here without the boy." Skulduggery's voice was commanding, reasonable, and not nearly as bad as he could have been, under the circumstances. His gun had pointed it's self at Blackwood's forehead.

The female sorceress was obviously struggling to hold Rave in midair, sweat beaded on her brow, and he had stopped his forward motion. Her arms were raised, but her hands trembled under invisible strain. All of her concentration was focused on just keeping Rave from hitting the many candles and shards of glass suspended around him. It wouldn't be long before his limp body dropped to the ground.

Valkyrie was struggling uselessly against the invisible hand that held her, to no avail. She could barely breathe, and she was cursing herself for not stopping Blackwood before he could cast his deadly enchantment.

Blackwood's beady eyes darted around the room, back and forth, searching for a way out. He was a man backed into a corner, and men in corners got desperate.

His eyes finally found their way back to the skeleton. He licked his lips nervously, but his voice was strong and commanding. "You don't understand, Detective. You're not leaving here at all. Now put down the gun, before Miss. Cain suffocates."

Skulduggery observed him for a moment, hardly glancing at Valkyrie, and then slowly, so, so, slowly, he bent down and carefully placed the gun on the hard floor of the gym. The loud clink of metal on wood made Blackwood flinch, but he regained his composure quickly.

"There, you see? No gun, no tricks." He said as he straightened, keeping his hands up and his voice soothing and low, like he was talking to a frightened animal. "Now loosen up a little. Let my partner go. Just you and me. One on one. Nobody else has to get hurt here." He took a step forward.

"Don't move!" Blackwood shouted. He took a step towards Valkyrie, and his hand tightened on the voodoo Barbie; Valkyrie's back arched as the last of her air was forced from her lungs.

There was pain, tightness in her chest. She stopped struggling and fell limp, an occasional twitch from her foot her only movement. Darkness threatened around her vision. It was odd, a dark haired and semi-concise girl floating a few feet above the ground.

Skulduggery froze. "Blackwood, put the girl down." He said, and now his voice was sharp and loud.

"Don't tell me what to do!" The blackmaster shouted.

"Blackwood!" Skulduggery yelled.

Blackwood flinched.

"Snow Blackwood!"He called out again. "You are under arrest, by order of the Sanctuary, for kidnapping, resisting arrest, orchestrating and attempting a summoning of the sixth level, threatening an official sanctuary representative, annoying me, and being an all around general nuisance; you have the right to not much at all. . . ."

He wasn't even finished speaking when he moved. His hand snapped out and shot a blast of air at the elemental keeping Rave aloft, and as her feet flew out from under her, Rave crashed to the ground, bringing candles and glass and other articles needed for the summoning with him. An unseen pressure buildup of magic was suddenly released harmlessly into the air, something so subtle and complex you didn't realize it was there until it was gone.

Skulduggery was quick and dove for his gun, he came up shooting.

Blackwood dropped the doll and made a mad dive dodging bullets for the now unconscious Valkyrie, who had fallen in a heap the moment the doll touched the ground. Too late, Skulduggery saw the chalk pentagram, hugely uncomplex compared to the one Rave was to be placed in, etched onto the floor around her, too far away to be of any use to Blackwood before.

It was almost invisible in the half light of the candles, and had obviously been placed there before they arrived, and it was just bad luck, (or good, depending on your point of view,) that Valkyrie had landed in it.

Blackwood stopped a foot away from Valkyrie, rolled, and came to a stop lying next to her. He gave Skulduggery a vicious smile as he ran towards them, trying to stop him before he did something unfortunate.

Both Valkyrie and Blackwood fit easily into to the confines of the pentagram, so when the Blackmaster reached out a hand to touch the outline of the circle, the dark red light that burst from the lines and curves didn't touch them, and they were unharmed when the red light grew too bright to look at.

With a burst of senseless noise and the smell of brimstone, they disappeared in a flash of light, and Skulduggery was thrown back with the force of an explosion.

And then all was silent.

The candles had gone out, and the only light came from the moon and stars' shining through the broken glass of the ceiling, but it was enough to see the burnt outline of the pentagram that was once chalked into the floor, and the noticeable absence of a criminal and a teenage girl.

Skulduggery stood up slowly and looked at the remains of the pentagram seemingly without emotion. He walked over to it with professional detachment and examined it closer. The silence of the night was unnerving.

Finally, Skulduggery turned away and walked towards to door with slow, unhurried movement. He stopped at the door and didn't move. His hands curled into fists.

"Dimmit!" He suddenly shouted. His foot lashed out and kicked the door with a violence and speed that surprised even him. He stood there for a moment, and he knew if he still had lungs, his breath would be uneven and ragged with emotion. He stood there until he could make his fingers relax and his mind stop racing. His arm reached out and touched the door knob, but he paused.

Skulduggery whirled around, his gun already out, and with an explosion of noise and gunfire the female elemental who had been trying to escape out another door while nobody was looking was blasted in the back with several rounds from his gun.

No warning shots or hits to the arm and legs for this one. She let out a soft sound, like air escaping from a tire, and this nameless, faceless foe fell to the ground, dead. Blood spread quickly from her still warm corpse in a sickly puddle around her, and it trickled out of her mouth, pooling around her face and reflecting her sightless eyes.

Finally, Skulduggery's gun was silent as his finger stopped clicking uselessly at the trigger, all his rounds having been spent on the woman. He stood there for a moment, a manikin for all he moved. His hand did not shake, and his skull was impassive.

Then a whisper, just a whisper, carried on the wind.

"For Valkyrie."

At last, he lowered the arm holding the still smoking gun, turned without a word, and left the dead woman through the door into the cold night air.

* * *

**What did you think? I hope I actually end up finishing this one.**

**Read and review.**


	17. Now this, is a problem ch3

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Valkyrie woke up with a pain in her head and a crook in her neck. She blinked her eyes open and moaned. Her mussels were horribly stiff. A gag muffled any sound she made, and her arms were wrenched behind her back at a painful angle. Her nose was pressed against a wall and her legs were duct taped together.

The floor was hard and concrete, and it was too dark to see anything, but she got the sense that she was in a big room, maybe a warehouse, or maybe she was still in the gym. Valkyrie tried to wriggle around a bit, but to no effect. Her bindings held.

"Feugo. Venteferro. Mavra. Amoracchius."

The voice came from somewhere behind her, just a whisper in the darkened room. Valkyrie squirmed and tried to turn herself over; she made it onto her back, but could turn no more. Her handcuffs were chained to the wall.

"Domine. Lava. Quod. Est sordium."

The handcuffs dug painfully into her back, but Valkyrie ignored the unpleasant sensation and turned her head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of the owner of the voice. It was almost too dark to see, but somehow she managed.

"Vente! Venteferro! Vento! Vento servitas! Ventas, vento servitas!"

Blackwood was sitting, cross legged, on the floor about ten feet away. He still wore a robe, but the hood was pulled up, and Valkyrie thought she could see a couple of bullet holes at the very edge, courtesy of Skulduggery, no doubt.

"Ventas, vento, servitas! Ventas, vento, servitas! Ventas servitas -"

He had a pentagram drawn in chalk on the floor, this one about the size of a hula hoop, and he sat just outside the confines of it. Slowly, as his voice gained volume, glowing, orange smoke spiraled up in a lazy circle from the center.

"Vento servitas, vento ventas, servitas vento!"

The sulferus smoke was so thick now, Valkyrie couldn't see through it. What was odd though, was that the spectral smoke didn't pass the circumference of the pentagram. It was like a glass tube had been dropped over it.

Blackwood's voice fell silent, and Valkyrie's eyes turned back to him. He slumped down a little, and his face was covered in sheen of sweat. He looked exhausted.

Something was in the circle. Through the smoke, she could see it move. Bare glimpses of it appeared. Scales. Claws. A wing. Two, no, four black eyes blinked at Blackwood through the smoke and haze, the only still things in a world of deception and illusion.

Blackwood began to chant again. "Deus. Considero me culpa in nomine. . . ."

The effect on the creature in the pentagram was imitate. It let out a piercing wail, and the eyes began to bob up and down restlessly, as if searching for a way out of its prison. Blackwood didn't stop, if anything, his voice gained speed and volume.

". . . .dono mihi. . . .persessum satisfacti. Pulveribus pulverem pulveribus fieri. . . .cineribus cineram fieri terrae terram fieri!"

He fell silent, and after a while, so did the wailing of the creature in the pentagram. Blackwood swayed a little, but didn't fall.

Valkyrie was laying down, all her ackes and pains forgotten, with wide eyes.

"Grimalkin." Blackwood said. "Grimalkin." He said again, and Valkyrie realized he was calling the creature's name. "Grimalkin!" The third time, the eyes floating in the smoke seemed to flinch, as if Blackwood had physically struck him. Blackwood reached into his robes and pulled out a photograph.

"I compel you, Grimalkin, with your true name, to do my bidding." Blackwood said.

The creature answered, and Valkyrie shuddered. No human could ever make words sound so guttural. No human could make your ears bleed just by putting anger in it's voice. No human could sound so beastly.

"Mortal man of flesssh, by your own magic'sss lawssss you cannot take my will any more than you have by sssomoning me here today."

Blackwood visibly trembled, such was the power in the creature's voice, and it was several minutes before he could speak, but when he did, his voice did not waver, and he held his head high.

"I do not intend to make you do anything more with your name," Blackwood began, "I intend to make a deal with you."

"What kind of deal?" Hissed Grimalkin.

Blackwood smiled. "A simple one, as these things go. You take ten, maybe fifteen minuets out of your busy schedule to kill someone for me, and I'll let you go."

Grimalkin laughed, and Valkyrie felt sick to her stomach. "You think you can hold me, mortal man? If you have nothing more to trade for my sssservices, other than freedom I already have, then you had better ssssend me back."

Blackwood seemed almost confident. "I can keep you here as long as I want. With your name, I can make you stay here, in this world. With this circle, I can make you stay in this room, forever, if I want."

Grimalkin did not seem happy about the prospect. It's four cat eyes bobbed up and down, and the smoke twisted and swirled as it moved around. A long, unstopped growl that was almost a purr emitted from it's throat.

"I read about you, you see. You are unusual, for a demon. You don't like to be kept waiting, even though you have all the time in this world, and the next."

Grimalkin hissed.

"So what is it going to be? Get stuck with me for the next few days until I collapse from exhaustion and my magic no longer holds you here, in which case you lose more time in your world, or-" Blackwood smiled, "You can do me this one little favor, and I'll send you on your marry little way, back to torturing or plundering, or whatever you do with your spare time."

Grimalkin was silent for a long time, and his burning black eyes never left Blackwood. When he finally spoke, Blackwood trembled, and his face fell forward into his hands. The photograph dropped from his fingers.

"I agree to thessse termsss, mortal man." At this, a mouth floated into view through the smoke, grinning a terrible grin with sharp teeth and fangs.

"But know thisss, the next time I am sssummoned," Blackwood whined in the back of his throat.

"And I will be ssssummoned again, make no misssstake," Valkyrie trembled, and flinched, and the demon's verbal assault wasn't even directed at her.

"I will kill you." Blackwood began rocking back and forth, as if Grimalkin's mere voice were knives through his mind. Valkyrie felt sorry for him, and he was the one that kidnapped her.

"Who do you want dead, mortal man?" Grimalkin asked.

Blackwood didn't answer.

Grimalkin's eyes drifted to floor level, focused on something Valkyrie couldn't see.

"Issss thissss the man?" It asked.

Blackwood didn't answer for a moment, then, with a peek through his fingers, he spoke in a horse whisper. "Yes."

The eyes bobbed up and down once, as if nodding, and Grimalkin said, "Then release me, mortal man, and I will kill him, and everyone with him."

Blackwood kept his face buried in his lap, but stretched a trembling hand out and smudged the line of the pentagram slightly.

The demon's sharp toothed smile drifted through the smoke again, not in the same place it was last time, and his eyes floated up, higher than any man could stand, ten or twelve feet above the ground. The smoke began to slip out the crack in the pentagram, draining out of It's prison. It rushed past Blackwood towards the other side of the room, never fully revealing the demon within. The eyes were the last to go, and they never removed their gaze from the cowering Blackwood.

With a howl, the smoke rushed for some door Valkyrie couldn't see in her position, and disappeared into the night.

Neither Valkyrie nor Blackwood moved for several minuets, Valkyrie still being in shock. There was a demon on the loose. This was bad, she knew, and the poor soul Blackwood sent it to kill didn't have a chance.

Then, Blackwood began to laugh.

A deep felt, high pitched, slightly hysterical laugh. His face was still buried in his hands, and to Valkyrie, he was just a shape in the gloom that trembled and shook as the mad laughter continued. Then, Blackwood raised his head, still laughing, and through back his hood. His face was pale, and he looked like he had aged twenty years in ten minuets, but still he laughed.

"I did it!" He giggled to himself, "I really did it!"

He stood on shaky legs, and his laughter died, but when he turned to Valkyrie, the mirth was still on his face. "You hear that, Miss Cain? I summoned a demon and didn't die!" He giggled to himself again, and Valkyrie noticed his eyes were wide, and his pupils were dilated.

He looked at the ceiling and said, "You hear that Johnny? I did what you said I couldn't do!" Now his eyes burned with madness, and he raised his fist and shook it at the ceiling. "I raised a demon and you couldn't! So all I have to say to you is Ha! Ha, ha ,ha! Ha! Ha. Ha. Ha." At this, he dissolved into mad laughter again.

"He's stark raven mad!" Valkyrie thought as she stared at the man before her.

Blackwood's laughter died off again, and he turned back to Valkyrie. With a sigh, he walked up to her, bending down to pick up the photograph he dropped earlier on the way, which must have been what Grimalkin was looking at when he asked who Blackwood wanted dead.

"Well, back to work. There will be plenty of time for gloating after I'm done."He walked over to Valkyrie, who was getting very worried at this point, and bent down to her level. She glared at him defiantly.

"Now, now." He patted her cheek affectionately. "There is no reason to be that way."

Blackwood reached into his robe pocket and drew out a syringe, filled with a clear liquid. "I'm terribly afraid that you cant be conshis for this next part." Valkyrie's eyes widened, and she began to struggle uselessly as Blackwood carefully inserted the needle into her arm and injected the liquid into her system.

She jerked once, tried to say something around her gag, and relaxed, her vision already going dark. Blackwood's features swam and moved as he held up the photograph for Valkyrie to see. His voice, when he spoke, was warped, and sounded like it came from far away.

"Be it one way or another, you will never see your friend again."

Darkness clouded her vision, but she could still make out the image of Skulduggery, leaning against a brick wall, with his bonny face turned towards her and his hat low on his brow. Valkyrie had taken that picture no more than two weeks ago, and she had kept it in her wallet ever sense.

Skulduggery. Her stomach gave a painful lurch. She struggled to think. He might die. The thought made something twist, inside her, right in her chest. She had to stay awake. For him, she had to warn him. For him. She had to stay awake. She had to. . . . .

Valkyrie fell into unconsciousness.

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**Read and review.**


	18. Skulduggery Pleasant Puppet Pals

**I got this idea from Madelyn Grey, and she got it from Harry Potter Puppet Pals, and all the characters are Derek Landy's, so all credit goes to them. You had to have seen "Harry's Nightmares" from H.P.P.P's at to know what any of this is, so go watch that first.**

**Enjoy.**

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"Hello! As Skulduggery Pleasant, my life is great and enviable, but let me tell you, it ain't all a big goblet of pumpkin juice: I have seen some shit. I've been attacked, orphaned, murdered, and resurrected. I have mental scars. So while I may be handsome and successful in my day life, it is at night that I can't escape from the terrible images that bounce around in the dark cavern that is my tortured noggin. Like this one time, I had a horrible nightmare…"

* * *

_So I was just hanging out—being awesome—when Guild showed up. And he was all like:_

"Skulduggery_, you're making no progress with the telaporter murders, what are you planning to do about it?"_

_But he just kept getting angrier and angrier and angrier. Finally, he flipped out, and he tried to kill me with a chainsaw!_

* * *

"Another time, I dreamt that I was dancing…"

* * *

_It was beautiful. I was _so _great. But then Lord Vile showed up, and he started to upstage me. He did moves I'd never seen before, and Valkyrie and Tanith were like:_

"_Ooh, he's so cool."_

_So I tried to bust a sweet move in retaliation, but suddenly my feet couldn't move!_

* * *

"It sucked! Another nightmare I had…"

* * *

_I was pregnant, and I went into labor. (Lamaze breathing) And I gave birth to Fletcher. And I had to raise him from infancy—clothe him, feed him._

_But then I misplaced him._

* * *

"And this was terrifying, because it meant I had failed as a parent. Oh! And one time, I dreamt that China was addicted to amphetamines…"

* * *

_She kept digging through my stuff, trying to find things to hock. So Ghastly and I held an intervention. But China _**flipped out**_, and tried to kill us with a chainsaw._

"Then another time…"

* * *

_I dreamt that I was __**middle-aged**__._

* * *

"Yuck! But the worst nightmare I ever had…"

* * *

_I was at the Sanctuary, and I saw China. She looked so decrepit and ghastly. She kept telling me that I wasn't Skulduggery. And I was like:_

"_Of _course_ I'm Skulduggery, China."_

_But she just looked at me through those unfathomable eyes, and she told me that I was a patient in a psychiatric hospital, and that my mind had constructed this fantasy universe of sorcerers, all in order to escape the guilt of __**having watched my wife die**__._

* * *

"That sure was a spooky dream. Anyway, what are some of your worst sorserer nightmares? Leave me a review, or a fan-fiction response, and remember to add this story to your favorites~!"

China and Valkyrie looked at each other oddly.

"Okay, Skulduggery," said China. "We _will_ do all those things you told us to do."

"_Favorite what?" _Valkyrie whispered, and China shushed her.

* * *

**Don't ask what I was thinking at the time. I was bored.**

**Read and review.**

**-Dantea**


	19. Skulduggery Pleasant Puppet Pals 2

**This is a parody/crossover of Harry Potter Puppet Pals: Ron's Disease and Skulduggery Pleasant, all credit goes to Madilyn Grey and the creators of HPPP and Derek Landy.**

**Fletcher's Disease.**

**Enjoy.**

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"Hi, I'm Valkyrie Cain. What a beautiful day here in the city of Dublin,home of the dastardly and extremes evil—tours!"

"Every day is beautiful with _you_here, Valkyrie!" Fletcher tellaported into the room."…_But_…"

"But _what_, Fletcher? _What_ could be _wrong_?" Valkyrie demanded, ready to set his head on fire.

"I've…got a secret affliction, Valkyrie." He confessed sheepishly.

"Disgusting!" Valkyrie flung herself away.

"You don't even know what it _is_, Valkyrie!" Fletcher whined. "It's lice."

"Get. Out." Her eyes were dead serious.

"It's sorcerer lice!" He cried desperately.

"Did somebody say lice?" China popped up out of no where.

"I said lice," Fletcher cried in astonishment. "How did you know?"

"Valkyrie, you need to help your boyfriend." China insisted, ignoring his question. "Another infestation is the _last_ thing this city needs."

"Okay, fine." Valkyrie sighed relucktently.

"Now, since lice are magical creatures, you must venture to the end of Cemetery Road and seek the help of Skulduggery, the terrible half wit. He'll know what to do."

"Yaaay!" Fletcher cheered, jumping up and down and clapping his hands happily.

"_Don't do that_," Valkyrie said sharply. "Let's go."

LATER:

They opened the door to Skulduggery's house, finding it as clean and immaculate as ever. It even had fresh bleach smell!

"Ugh, I can't breathe." Valkyrie complained, plugging her nose.

"Ooh! What's that?" Fletcher exclaimed with curiosity.

"What?" Valkyrie turned to what he was looking at. A lump of brown and something harry was in the corner.

"It's a giant furry _mattress_! May I jump on it?" Fletcher asked, despite the fact that the "mattress" was _moving_.

"Yes, do as you wish, you diseased moron." Valkyrie stepped aside. "Wait, no! Look! It's moving!"

Skulduggery rose, towering over Valkyrie and Fletcher with his overall tallness. A large furry blanket was draped over his shoulders.

"_Hello…children…_" he grunted in sleepiness.

"Hello, Skulduggery. I need—oof!"

Skulduggery had spun around, inadvertently hitting Fletcher with a blast of air and sending him halfway across the room.

"We've come for your crazy skeleton advice, Skulduggery." Valkyrie said, ignoring the limp Fletcher on the floor.

"…_What_?"Skulduggery grumbled.

"I've got sorcerer_ lice_, Skulduggery!" Fletcher cried from the floor. "And I need your help!"

"Oh, well then…let old Skulduggery…take a little…nap…" Skulduggery rested his head on a coffee table.

"You just _took_ a nap!" Valkyrie slapped him. "Get up, you old bone-sack!"

"All right, all right." Skulduggery grumbled.

"Right here, take a look!" Valkyrie grabbed a magnifying glass from a hole in the sky (don't ask). "Millions of little monsters have spawned on Fletcher's already filthy scalp."

"Oh, now kids, just listen to Skulduggery's song. . . ." He began.

Cue music:

_If you wanna take care of that sorcerer lice,_

_You gotta listen to Skul's good advice._

_Rub meat in your hair until it starts to stink,_

_Let it sit for an hour, wash it off in the sink._

_Then take some mayonnaise and rub it into your roots,_

_And wipe it all off on an old pair of boots._

_Spin in a circle,_

_Clap your hands twice,_

_Now you ain't got any…lice_."

Skulduggery spat onto the floor as the song ended.

"Great song, Skul!" Fletcher cheered. "But I can't _afford_ any mayonnaise."

Skulduggery roared in anger.

"Hm," Valkyrie mussed thoughtfully. "Well, what if we just light his head on fire!"

"Well, there's _another_way to kill sorcerer lice," Brushing off her brilliant idea, Skulduggery continued. "But you ain't gonna like it."

Why does Skulduggery sound happy about that?

"Are you _sure _this is going to work, Skul?" Fletcher's high pitched voice sounded strange. He was currently suspended upside down in ropes above Skulduggery's coffee table.

"Shut up!" Skulduggery shouted, then whacked Fletcher in the head with the broken off leg of a chair. He waked him again when he wouldn't stop crying.

"You're cured," Skulduggery announced as Fletcher whimpered.

"Oh, thank you, Skulduggery." Fletcher said gratefully, cross eyed. "I feel one-hundred percent better. It's as if the lice never existed, and…"

Valkyrie's thoughts drowned out Fletcher's voice. _"With the power of Skulduggery's mighty chair leg, I can solve all my problems!"_

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie shrieked. "Your skills are needed elsewhere! Follow me! And bring your beating stick!"

"I'm _tired_, Val." Skulduggery groaned sleepily. "You…go do it yourself…"

"I'll leave a small pile of Gummy Sharks outside your Bentley every day for a _month_."

Skulduggery gasped. "You got yourself a deal, Valkyrie Cain…ain…" It was almost too hard for him talk through his sleepiness.

"Okay, follow me!" Valkyrie dashed out of his house, dragging him behind her.

Madem Mist stood outside the Sanctuary, looking like a villain and being a general annoyance to everyone who didn't like her, wich was everyone.

"Oh, hello,_ Dead Breath_." There was a smirk in her voice. "Hello, freak skeleton Skulduggery."

"Hello, _she-devil_." Valkyrie said smiling, and then she shouted. "_Okay. Club it right now!_"

Skulduggery ran over and whacked the elder right in the head…_unconscious_. Not dead. Damn.

"_Yes_," Valkyrie nodded, smiling. "We've cured her lice, Skulduggery. Good boy," she took a Gummy Shark from her purse and tossed it at him.

Skulduggery caught it joyously between his teeth.

"Come on!" Valkyrie ran into the Sanctuary.

Inside, High Preast Tenebrea was standing around, doing nothing and gazing into the expanse of emptiness that was his mind—pretty much what went down when any one fun worked there.

"Ah, Ms. Cain, have you considered becoming a necromancer?" He asked Valkyrie, all black and depressing.

"No! Hit!"

Valkyrie ducked and Skulduggery hit him with his chair leg.

"He's still got some lice," Valkyrie shouted. "Hit him again!"

Skulduggery gave Tenebrea another, this one to the head, the other to the shoulders—and he was happy.

"Fantastic!" Valkyrie yelled. "Incredible! Let's go!"

They saw Dusk on their way to China's.

"Ah, Valkyrie! I've been waiting for you! I want to turn you into a vampire so you'll kill your parents and my revenge will be compleate—"

"No time to chat, Dusk!" Valkyrie shouted, rushing past him. "Gotta go!"

"B—but…oh," Dusk began to cry. "Oh, every time I _try _to kill one of the Sanctuary agents—" he sobbed.

"Hello, Valkyrie. Hello, Skulduggery. Did you vanquish your little friend's vermin, yet?" China asked when they arived.

"You _bet _I did!" Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery. "Get 'er, Skul!"

Valkyrie ducked and Skulduggery knocked China upside the head with a metallic ring. The chair leg smashed into a thousand tiny splinters..

"Ohh, trying to take a wack at the old librairen, are you?" China asked.

"Oh my god, she's an android!" Valkyrie cried, eyes wide.

Skulduggery gasped in astonishment.

"Yes, It's true. I am an android." China paused, then continued. "A lesbian, android."

Dun, dun, dunnnnn!


	20. God, I Suck at Titles

**I don't think this is some of my best work, but. . . .whatever. I haven't come up with anything better recently. So, here it is.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

"Ow." Valkyrie said numbly.

"I think this situation calls for a bit more than 'ow', Valkyrie." Skulduggery said, looking down on her.

She glared at him. " Shut up. I just got shot. I'm aloud to be in shock."

"You do realize your probably going to die now, right?" He asked.

She sighed. "Yah. I kinda noticed."

Skulduggery squatted down besides her, suddenly seirous, and stroked her face gently. "Valkyrie. Dear, sweet Valkyrie. Why did it have to end this way?" He sounded so sad and heart broken, and a little thrill went trough her at his touch. Her breath froze in her throat, and her eyes loched on his face.

"Don't stop." She whispered. She diden't even realize she had spoken the words aloud.

"You know, this would probably be more touching if I wasn't a hallucination." He said sadly.

"I know. But the real you isn't here right now." She answered quietly.

"Then why have the romantic moment you've always wanted with Skulduggery with me instead?" He asked, confused.

"Your a figment of my imagination and you don't know?" She asked skeptically. She was just using Skulduggery to avoid looking at the bloody hole in her stomach, and the depressing ally way that was to be the last place she saw in this earth. At least, thats what she told herself.

He cocked his head to the side "I know. But it would nice to hear you say it. And none of that crap you were just thinking about distracting yourself. You and I both know that's not true.

"Damn. Your good." She said. "OK, the real reason I imagined you here is so I can say to you what I never had had the guts to when you were here in person."

"Oh? And what was that?" He asked, all innocence.

She glared. "Your not making this any easier, you know."

She could sense his smirk. "I know. Now what was it you wanted to tell me, or Skulduggery, or who ever?"

"I hate you." She said.

"No you don't." He said happily.

"Yes, I really do." She replied earnestly.

"You see, I know that's a lie." He said.

"Skul. . . ." She said.

"You love me. " He said smugly. "Or, rather, your in love with me. Personally, I don't see the difference, but whatever."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too, and you know it!"

Valkyrie sighed, exaspersted.

"And you know what?" He asked. "I love you, too."

Valkyrie froze in suprise, and stared, almost forgetting the red hot agony coursing through her veins, but then it spiked to almost unbearable levels, and her back arched and her torso rose off the ground and her mouth opened in a silent scream, and it hurt, oh god it hurt! Skulduggery put his hands on ether side of her face and looked into her eyes and called her name, panicked.

Finally, the pain sank down to numbness, and she felt panic clutch at her throat. She was almost out of time! Her eyes flickered around wildly, looking for something. Her gaze fell on Skulduggery, and her eyes stilled. He was kneeling down right next to her, his hand fretting and drifting around. Touching her hair, stroking her face, brushing the tears off her cheek.

"Valkyrie? Valkyrie? Don't leave me! Please! Please, please, please. Not now!" He sobbed. He grabbed her shirt and buried his skull on her chest, shaking.

"I know your not the real Skulduggery, " She began desperately. "But you should know, I should say, I, I, you were right. . . . I do lov-"

Skulduggery sat up quickly and suddenly, and looked at her with sad, hallow eye sockets. "Your too late." he said, and then she realized she could see the wall of the alleyway through him, and his edges started to blur, and then he disappeared into what ever desperate corner of her mind she had conjured him up from.

"No!" She cried. She was left all alone, the gunshot wound in her stomach slowly leaking the life out of her. She struggled to use what little strength she had left to push herself backwards, propping herself against the wall. The energy to move left her body, and she collapsed against the rough bricks of the wall. She placed a hand on her stomach over the wound and closed her eyes. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye.

"I don't want to die alone." Valkyrie whispered into the slowly darkening twilight. The alleyway never seemed more menacing, and the cold of the night wasn't helping, ether.

The life didn't leave her body slowly, she didn't die with action movie grace. It was was slow, and painful, and messy, and there was no dignity in it. She was pretty shore she could see her own intestines, and she almost puked several times. Every good deed, every mistake, every special moment she ever had, would end with her death. May be not immediately, but year by year, time would erase the memory of her, and she would become little more than a gravestone and a death certificate.

It was a little while latter, as she gripped her stomach in pain, her back arching, when she herd running footsteps echoing off the walls in the distance. And then a shout. A shout. Her name.A voice, so smooth, shouting her name. And then, he was there. Just next to her. He was there. Like he had been there the whole time, for all years before, just waiting for her to notice him.

"Valkyrie." He said. "Valkyrie."

But she was slipping away. It didn't hurt anymore. She was slipping. She reached out a hand and laid it on his face. She said his name. "Skulduggery." She said his name. He seemed so sad. She didn't know why. He seemed sad. "You were right." She said.

"I do love you."

And she died.

* * *

**This was inspired by a fan fic I've been following about all the different ways Valkyrie could die. It is both depressing, and addictive. Like daytime television. But I like it, so don't question me.**

**On a side note, no, I have not given up on Now This, Is a Problem, I've just taken a little break from it. I think it might turn into an M rated fanfiction, though, so be wary. Yes, it is Valduggery. I've started to get sick of the other parings. Unfortunately, I hear Caelen is going to die in the series, which sucks. So although Valkyrie probably won't end up with him, at least I can stop writing about him when he dies.**

**That was kind of mean. Oh, well.**

**Read and review.**

**-Dantea**


	21. Now This, Is a Problem: Ch 4

"The first one is simple enough, a basic teleportation circle. You just have to get a good physic down here to tell you where it goes. Its this other one that interests me." China said as her heels clicked across the floor of the gym.

"I brought you down here to open the portal, not to tell me what it is. I know what it is."

"Yes," China said, proceeding ahead of Skulduggery to Blackwood's summoning circle. "But that is a very shoddy circle, and if I try to activate it, there is a good chance I will disintegrate along with it, and well that might make your day, it will also ruin my new dress. I suspect he made it that way purposely, so it would only hold up once and no one could follow him after he used it. Of course, I could be over estimating his ability. He could just be a very stupid man who is very bad with circles."

Skulduggery looked around and beckoned to the Public Relations Officer waiting off to the side for them to finish so he could haul off the evidence before the mortals got there.

"Go to this address," Skulduggery handed the man a slip of paper. "And bring me Finbar Wrong. He'll probably know your coming. And for God's sake, be quick about it."

"Sir!" The man said indigently. "I am not a chauffeur! I am a part of an elite organization most of the world is blind to! I am the first line of defense against exposure to the mortal world! I am a mange and a sorcerer, and I will not be treated with such-"

"Oh, just go, you over righteous little man!" China barked at him, turning away from her examination briefly to glare at him. "The sooner you fetch him, the sooner you can go back to your minimum wage job as a magical janitor."

"Excuse me, Miss! i think I deserve a little more-" Her appearance suddenly registered on his face, and his jaw dropped, face slack and eyes bugging out wide.

China sighed, annoyed. "Yes, yes, I know. I'm beautiful. Now go!"

'Bu..but..I...yes, yes ma'am!" He seemed to fumble with what to do for a second, then settled for giving a clumsy salute and marching off, giving the occasional glance back that he probably thought no one noticed.

"Your in a lovely mood this morning." Skulduggery noted dryly.

"This night."

"Sorry?"

"This night. It's still dark out, Skulduggery, remember? You got me out of bed at three in the morning to come play C.S.I. Dublin with you. Does this ring any bells?"

"Really? Well, I can't bring myself to regret it."

China sighed, her annoyance fading as suddenly as it had come. She just looked tired now. This didn't happen to her. China Sorrows didn't go through mood swings. She was not this emotional. "I know." she said, hating herself for being understanding. "You hate me now. It's ok. I'm Ok with that. You can hate me, you can have that, at least. I would hate me, too, were I to somehow to be you."

Skulduggery remained silent. China waited for him to speak. To yell. To shout. To accuse. To threaten. He didn't.

China nodded. "It's fine. You don't have to talk to me anymore. You don't want me here. You didn't want to call me here. But you had to, for Valkyrie's sake. That is all right. But I'm here, and I will tell all I can as I pick at the secrets in this spell."

Silence for a moment, and then Skulduggery's phone rang, breaking the tension, and he turned away to answer it.

China turned to the items hanging in midair by some mysterious force, glanced at Skulduggery out of the corner of her eye, then went directly for a small glass bubble, gently pulling it free from the elliptical orbit holding it in space. With a fugitive glance around, she placed to tip of one finger to the globe, a small purple symbol flaring to life where the glass touched her skin, and waited, breath held.

A dull blue glow grew to life in the confines of the little glass ball, and China's eyes widened.

"Find anything?" Skulduggery barked, walking up behind her.

China turned. "No." She sighed. "As far as I can tell, this was meant to be a different variation of summoning a Faceless One and giving it a vessel. Directly bring them into the vessel through the portal."

Skulduggery's head tilted, posture stiff. "I suspected something of the sort." He nodded. "Thank you, Mrs. Sorrows. Your input has been invaluable." He turned and began walking.

China couldn't watch him go so cold. "Skulduggery-"

He stopped. "Yes, Miss Sorrows?"

She hesitated. "I- I really am sorry, Skul."

He didn't turn. His voice sounded tired. "Your not sorry you did it, China. Not really." He began walking again. "Your sorry I found out."

The door slammed and echoed in the sudden silence of the gym, and China was left standing alone in the dark and the cold.

She pulled her closed fist out of her pocket and looked at it. Her fingers trembled, jerked, and snapped open with a sickening crunch. The little blue orb glowed innocently in the center of her palm, surrounded by her now black and frostbitten fingers. Her breath whooshed out in a sudden exhale, and ere eyes closed slowly.

"Valkyrie, dear child, for your sake as well as mine, I hope this doesn't mean what I think it does."


	22. Now this, is a problem: Ch5

The Bentley pulled up to the Roarhaven Sanctuary, and Skulduggery got out and slammed the door behind him. The air was crisp and cold, the moon still up and the night still out. Tipstaff waited for him in the foyer.

"Elder Bespoke awaits you in the medical bay. He has instructed me to bring you there when you arrived"

Skulduggery ignored him and blew right past, Tipstaff huffing and puffing as he tried to keep up with the skeleton's stride.

"Where is he?" He asked when he arrived. Fletcher was there, standing next to Ghastly, and he was the one who answered. "Rave is in there," He gestured to one of the doors lining the hallway. "He hasn't had anything useful to say so far, though. We already questioned him. All he can tell us is that he was held in a warehouse."

Skulduggery paused. "What are you doing here?"

He looked a little sheepish. "I asked Ghastly to call me if there was anything you guys needed help with."

Skulduggery's head tilted. He turned to Ghastly.

Ghastly shrugged and grinned. "Don't tell me you didn't miss his smiling face."

Skulduggery grumbled under his breath.

Ravel came shuffling in at that point, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and yawing. "Have we found her yet?"

Everybody stared. Nobody answered. Ravel blinked at them. "What?" Clarabelle walked out of the room Rave was in, holding a clipboard, and humming under her breath. She looked up and stopped, staring at the Grand Mange. A smile spread across her face. "Bunnie!" She cried, pointing.

Ravel looked down at his feet. He looked back up and scowled and glared at the rest of them. "These are official Elder slippers, for your information, so you can stop smiling. Ghastly, you get a pair, too, so stop snorting."

"They are very. . . . pink." Fletcher pointed out.

"Real men aren't afraid to ware pink."

"They are pink Bunnie slippers."

"Is this really the time to comment on my foot ware?" He complained. Ghastly's phone rang, and he stepped out to answerer it, still chuckling under his breath.

Tipstaff glared at Fletcher. "The Grand Mange is to be respected in all things, young insolent youth! What are you even doing here? Your not an employee."

"No, but you are." Fletcher said wisely.

"What dose that have to do with anything?' He asked.

"Everything has to do with anything." Fletcher smiled and nodded.

"What?" Tipstaff asked, confused.

"What what?" Fletcher looked at him.

A moment went by. "Never mind."

Ghastly walked back in, phone in hand. "It's for you." He passed it off to Skulduggery. Skulduggery took it and held it to his skull, he listened for several moments. He nodded. "I'll be there." The phone snapped shut and was returned to Ghastly.

"Fletcher, have you ever been to the University?"

"Uhhh...well, not in the place you might be thinking of-"

Skulduggery sighed impatiently. "Can you take me there or not?"

"Yes, but-"

"Do it."

"OK." Fletcher said uncertainly. Skulduggery placed a hand on his shoulder, and the Sanctuary dissolved around them to be replaced by...

"Fletcher. Why are we in the Laddies changing room?"

Fletcher blushed a little. "It's the only part of this place I bothered to remember. Everything else had too much learning."

Skulduggery stared at him a long moment. Fletcher looked uncomfortable. "Are we going to be leaving soon?" He asked, gesturing to the door. Skulduggery stared at him some more, then turned and began walking out to the gym, a somewhat relived Fletcher trailing behind.

China was still there. She didn't look up as they walked in. The Public Relations Officer was standing by her side, trailing after her with puppy dog eyes. Finbar was in the middle of the teleportation circle, both fingers stuck in his ears and his eyes screwed shut.

"What is he doing?" Fletcher whispered to Skulduggery as they approached.

"LALALALALALALA!" Finbar began shouting.

"Something clever." Skulduggery shouted, stopping just outside of the circle, waiting.

Finbar's eyes snapped open, his pupils wide, his shouting abruptly cut off. He was shuddering violently. "I can't do it, man."

"Can't do what?" Fletcher asked, looking between the two of them with some confusion.

"Finbar," Skulduggery said, kneeling down to eye level with the trembling man. "Please. Valkyrie needs this. Valkyrie needs you to do this."

"I haven't had one vision sense last Christmas. I tried, Skulman. I can't see her. I can't see where she is. I can't see the thread that connects this circle to where it lets out." He closed his eyes and sagged. "I can't see."

"You can do it, Finbar." Skulduggery said. "I've seen you pinpoint a fly a continent away. You can do it. For Valkyrie. Remember Valkyrie? She's your friend. You can help us save her."

Finbar remained silent for so long, skinny shoulders hunched in on himself. Despair filled the atmosphere.

Skulduggery's head dropped into his hands. A another long moment of silence dragged by. "Please." He said. "Please try."

Finbar's eyes opened slowly, and he blinked at them, then he gave a long sigh. "I'll try. A street name. I should be able to do that, at least" He closed his eyes and held out his hands, fingers splayed and searching through the air. It took a moment, but then they froze and his face screwed up in pain.

"It hurts."

"I know, Finbar. Look harder. Find her."

Finbar's neck twitched. His eyelids fluttered.

"South...she is south, to the left. No...no..to the right."

"I need you to be specific, Finbar. Look just a little bit harder."

Finbar's head snapped back and his eyes opened wide and staring, the whites running blood red. A final shudder ran through his body, and he was still.

A moment went by. Then two. "Finbar." Skulduggery said. No reaction. "Finbar." He snapped his fingers in front of his eyes. The man remained still. Then his head napped around and his sightless eyes fixed on them, a maniac smile on his face.

Skulduggery slapped him. It was shocking, and sudden, and violent. Finbar's head rocked back on impact, and his skull rolled back around until his bloody eyes focused on them again. He smiled. "Horrible things will happen." He said.

"Where is this circle designed to take people?" Skulduggery demanded.

Finbar's smile grew. "A warehouse on Westside Road. You can't miss it. It's the one with a magical storm cloud hovering over it." His eyes narrowed. "You won't make it though. Your going to die first."

Skulduggery nodded. "I thought so."

"You will parish horribly."

"Of course."

"Valkyrie Cain will be tortured and brutishly murdered."

"It was bound to happen eventually."

"A daemon from another dementon will tear your apart."

"I'd be insulted if it didn't."

"Your car is going to be_ totaled_."

Skulduggery froze. "**You _bastard_!**" He shouted. His gun whipped out and aimed itself at Finbar's head. "You have ten seconds to un-posses that physic before I kill you and him both!"

The thing inside Finbar's body rolled Finbar's eyes. "No need for threats." It complained. "Like I want to be a bloody meat bag anyways." It's eyes rolled back in it's head, and Finbar's body shook and convulsed, as red smoke rose out of him and dissipated into thin air. Finbar was left slumped on the floor, very much unconscious.

A shocked silence went by.

"What," Fletcher asked. "Was THAT?"

"No idea." Skulduggery said, tucking his gun away. "Something unpleasant, probably. It possessed him. That happens to physics."

Fletcher blinked at him. "Can we go find Valkyrie now?" He asked.

"Of course." Skulduggery's voice smiled.

"You coming?" Fletcher called to China. She looked up, and glanced at Skulduggery.

"Defenetly not." Skulduggery's voice was NOT smiling now.

A slow smile spread across China's face. "But Fletcher, you wouldn't _leave_ me here, would you?"

Fletcher hesitated. Skulduggery made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. Fletcher just looked confused. "Is there something going on between you two?" He asked.

Neither answered.

"Uhhh. . . .I'm kinda having a little emergency here." Finbar called weakly from the floor. "My eyes are still bleeding."

Fletcher just looked at him. "Who are you, again?"

"I'm the man that was slapped and threatened with a gun while his eyes were bleeding."

Skulduggery sighed. "Fine. Come on, you over spoiled little brat with a perfectly capable car outside. We have to drop Finbar off at the Sanctuary, then we're off to get Valkyrie."

China approached warily, placing a hand on the shoulder farthest from the one Skulduggery was near. Fletcher seemed to like her hand on him a little too much. Skulduggery bent down and picked up Finbar, throwing him over his shoulder with a groan.

"You reminded me of that other bloke just then, while you were interrogating me, you know." Finbar muttered sleepily.

"And who is that?" Skulduggery asked, placing a hand on Fletcher's shoulder.

"Solomon. Solomon Wreath." Finbar yawned. Skulduggery remained silent.

They teleported, and they were in the medical bay, Clarebelle and Ghastly and Ravel and Tipstaff all there. Skulduggery laid Finbar down on the ground, a little less than gently, and straightened up as Clarabelle stepped forward and began wiping the blood out of his eyes with a tissue. She pulled a band aid covered in rainbow smily faces out of the pocket of her lab coat and carefully pulled the wrapper off it, placeing it over one of Finbar's bloody eyes.

"All better." She smiled.

Skulduggery walked off a few paces from the group, still and quiet. He observed them talking and chatting, asking what had happened,and then when he thought no one else could hear him, he whispered, almost without thinking, "Whatever has to be done."

And of course, that is when the daemon struck.


	23. Song Fic: Bewitched

**Just a little Halloween thing before I get on with the next chapter of Now This, Is A Problem. Song by Blood on the Dance Floor.  
**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Valkyrie stepped to the side and grabbed the man by the collar, flipping him over her hip. She smiled and turned to Skulduggery, brushing the hair out of her face.

"Happy Halloween, Mr. Skeleton." Her eyes sparkled.

Skulduggery stepped forward and snapped handcuffs around the man's wrists. His voice was velvet.

"And to you, Miss Witch."

**You're attractive, little witch, you're beautiful (beautiful)**  
** Your wickedness, little witch, it broke my heart (I broke your heart)**  
** Enchanting words, little witch, you cast a spell (I cast my spell)**  
** Masked destroyer, little witch, my beautiful apocalypse**

** You've got me bewitched 'cause I'm under your spell, oh-ooh**  
** You must be a witch 'cause I am living in hell, oh-oo**

**Now is the time, now is the hour**  
** I am the magic, I am the power, oh**  
** All I need is one star in the sky**  
** Wish for you every night**

Skulduggery watched her from her bedroom windowsill. She had a black dress on and pointy shoes, and her hair cascaded in waves around her shoulders, highlighted in purple. She watched him in the mirror as she applied makeup, a white base and black eyeliner.

"Aren't you being anything for Halloween?" She asked him.

"Please, Valkyrie. People try to be me, not the other way around."

She smiled at that as she put on red, red lipstick. Her eyes narrowed as she observed the finished results. She puckered her lips and kissed the air. Skulduggery watched in silence. She topped the whole thing off with a pointy hat decorated with bats and spiders. She turned away from the mirror and struck a pose at him. "What do you think?"

Skulduggery remained silent.

**I tricked you to fall in love, little boy**  
** I played with you till I was done, like a toy**  
** Your heart in love, as I destroy the end of you (The end of me)**  
** So easily fooled little boy to think it's true (I'm in love with you)**

** You've got me bewitched 'cause I'm under your spell, oh-ooh**  
** You must be a witch 'cause I am living in hell, oh-ooh**  
**  
Courtesy of **  
** Now is the time, now is the hour**  
** I am the magic, I am the power, oh**  
** All I need is one star in the sky**  
** Wish for you every night**

Skulduggery's phone buzzed, and he pulled it out to look at the screen. Ghastly sensed a smile.

"what is it?" He asked.

Skulduggery silently handed him the phone, and Ghastly took it and looked at the screen. Valkyrie smiled out at him, Alice clutched in her arms, dressed up as a little pumpkin. Candy corn had been stuck over her few tiny teeth in a mock smile, and the baby seemed to barely tolerate the whole thing. The accompanying message read, "She bit my fingers four times. XD".

Ghastly shook his head, smiling. "That poor girl."

Skulduggery nodded. "Alice is going to kill her when she grows up and sees that picture."

**Now is the time, now is the hour**  
** To take back my heart, to take back my power**  
** This is the moment to break your spell**  
** I see right through you now burn in hell**

Valkyrie dabbed the last bit of makeup off her lips and looked at Skulduggery in the mirror, standing over by the windowsill. She wore fuzzy pajama pants and a tank top, and the purple had been washed out of her hair. She arched an eyebrow at him.

"What?" Skulduggery asked.

"I believe your tie has come undone, Mr. Skeleton."

Skulduggery looked down, then back up. "So it seems, Miss witch."

A moment went by, and Skulduggery did nothing. Valkyrie's eyes gleamed. "Fix it, Mr. Skeleton."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "I think I quite like it this way, Miss Witch."

A slow smile spread across her face. "If you will not fix it," She stepped forward. "Then I will." Valkyrie sauntered up to him, close enough to reach out and touch him, and then **closer**, and she brought her hands up and, keeping her eyes on his empty sockets, very carefully, very gently, began to retie the offending garment. Her hands lingered when she had finished, pressed gently against his chest. A moment of silence went by, in witch Skulduggery stood frozen, a manikin.

He. Did. **Nothing.**

Valkyrie stood, gave him a chance, a moment more to act. And began to turn away. "Goodnight, Skulduggery." She muttered, averting her eyes. Her hands dropped.

Skulduggery reached out and grabbed her arm before she could walk away, and in one smooth motion, spun her to face him and grasped her in his arms in a tight embrace that Valkyrie thought she would never be able to pull away from. "Goodnight, Valkyrie." His velvet voice whispered into her dark hair.

Valkyrie hugged him tightly, and then stretched up placed a hand on one of his cheeks and gentile kiss on the other, and then. . . .

**Now is the time, now is the hour**  
** To take back my heart, to take back my power**  
** This is the moment to break your spell**  
** I see right through you... (burn in hell witch)**

And then a knock came from the other side of her bedroom door, and Valkyrie's eyes snapped open, and Skulduggery stiffened, but the door was starting to open anyways, and there just wasn't enough **time**-

So she thrust her hands out and Skulduggery stumbled back, hit her windowsill, and fell back and straight out into open space, a slight yelp escaping into the air.

"Stephine? What was that?" Her mom asked, opening the door and sticking her head inside.

Valkyrie smiled. "Nothing mom. You just gave me a scare, is all. I was sure you were Alice, here for revenge."

Melisa laughed. "Well, sleep well, dear. And remember, whatever happens, you brought it on yourself." She winked at her daughter, and closed the door. Valkyrie walked over to the window and looked down to see Skulduggery sprawled in the bushes, a twig sticking out of his eye socket, grumbling under his breath.

"Goodnight." Valkyrie whispered down, a smile in her voice. She closed the window, leaving Skulduggery to his own devices.

He stood up, brushed himself off, pulled the twig out of his eye, and looked around to make sure nobody saw him looking ungraceful. He glanced up at Valkyrie's bedroom window.

"Witch." He muttered.

**You've got me bewitched 'cause I'm under your spell, oh-ooh**  
** You must be a witch 'cause I am living in hell, oh-ooh**

** Now is the time, now is the hour**  
** I am the magic, I am the power, oh**  
** All I need is one star in the sky**  
** Wish for you every night**


	24. Now this, is a Problem: Ch6

It came through the cracks and crevices of the the building, a rotten, slinking, creeping smoke that burned sulfur red and sucked out all the light in the room. Everything was dark and confusion, and a scream rang out in the darkness. Probably Fletcher. But then Skulduggery clicked his fingers and called forth light, and the horror of the room was revealed.

Blood. That was the first thing one noticed in the room. On Finbar, and Ravel, because they were the first dead. Blood and meat and messy bits were shredded in deep claw marks in their corpses.

And then there was Grimalkin.

Imagine the smell of rotting meat and animal corpses. Bloody nails screeching down a chalkboard and a thousand dieing screams. Cold fire and burning ice. Now imagine that your eyes could experience these sensations. If you multiplied that times the biggest number you could think of, you might come close to what it was like to look at Gimalkin when he was freakin **pissed off.**

The firelight created a particularly fierce red glow that danced and played around in the insubstantial smoke that his mass was made of. He wasn't quite what a Faceless one looked like, not really. But there was just something not right about the planes and angles of his figure, something that suggested a creature of impossibility, similar to the old Gods.

And It came straight for Skulduggery.

Smoke rushed at him, and when it hit him it was like a physical blow, despite it's lack of substance. Skulduggery went flying and the flame went out, plunging the room back into darkness. There was the sound of a struggle, a bang and a flash as Skulduggery fired his gun, and a loud thump. Someone clicked their fingers, and light flooded back into the room. Gimalkin was a column of twisting, writhing miasma that flowed down to the floor and spread out across the room, hiding the corpses for now. He held Skulduggery pinned to the wall by one long, long limb that was much too big to come from anything that should have been able to fit in that room.

Ghastly stood slowly, flame in one hand, clutching his side with the other. He staggered, but stayed upright, and looked around. Fletcher was gone, China was down, unmoving, and Tipstaff was huddled in the corner. Clarabelle just stood in the middle of the room, checking things off her clipboard and ignoring everything else, and Ravel and Finbar were dead. Things were looking grim.

A wet muzzle with sharp teeth formed it's self out of the smoke and drifted to Skulduggery's ear, moving and whispering things Ghastly couldn't hear, and it's four black cat eyes rippled and moved, not quite in time with it's other visible appendages. Ghastly stepped forward and flexed his palm, and the air rippled and moved in a fierce wind, but although the smoke twisted and blew back in great waves, it somehow managed to conceal the shapes and limbs of Grimalkin. The Daemon turned and observed the mortal that challenged him with something approaching contempt. The limb that held Skulduggery aloft dissolved back into the mist, and he fell to the floor with a thump. He didn't get up.

Grimalkin came at him, knowing there was no escape. Creeping, drifting, he slunk along the floor until he came before Ghastly, and then all his essence gathered its self up in one towering column, his black eyes boring into him. He was a great and terrible sight to behold.

"You will _burn,_ fool." He hissed.

Ghastly stood calm and straight. He smiled. "Not if you burn first." He thrust his hand into the cloud that was Grimalkin, and light disappeared as the flame sank into his essence. Grimalkin convulsed and twisted away, into the ceiling. He grew a human mouth to scream with, and arms that began tearing strips of burning mist away from his body, and tentacles that wriggled and whipped around wildly.

But his screams were drowned out by Ghastly's.

Where his skin had touched the Daemon's form, it burned away like acid, leaving flesh and mussels exposed, and little flashes of bone. He clutched his hand to his side and dropped to his knees, still howling in anguish. The Daemon grew out and up, the movement of the smoke that concealed him now writhing like worms. It's eyes narrowed in furry.

And then the Nye came.

It stepped into the room and there was a smile on it's torn and threaded lips, a scalpel in his hands. "Hello Beasty." He said.

The Daemon turned it"s eyes to the Nye, and they widened in surprise. It stilled. "You. Old One."

"I'm old? I'm old? How long have you been loitering around this rock? A million, two million years? And you think I'm old?"

Grimalkin narrowed his eyes. He gathered himself up and rolled and broiled in fury. "I will get you, Old One, and your little assistant, too."

"Oooooo! Wicked witch of the west. I'm scared." Grimalkin hissed and flew twords the Nye. Nye smiled and jumped-

And disappeared into rolling mist.


	25. Random Crack

**Just some short little Crack for lunch.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Tanith: D'you like waffels?

Val: Yah, I like waffles!

Tanith: Do you like pancakes?

Val: Yah, I like pancakes!

Tanith:D'you like french toast?

Val: Yah, I like french toast!

Tanith:Wa- Di bi di bi di, get an waffles!

Val: Waffles! Waffles! Waffles!

Tanith: Wa- Di bi di bi di, get an waffles!

Fletcher: And I was like baby, baby, baby. Oh, like baby, baby, baby, no!

Tanith: Like baby, baby, baby, I thought you'd always be mine!

Skulduggery:I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts!


End file.
